Having Faith
by TheLadyHoll
Summary: Olivia Benson has never felt so alone...Elliot's left the squad, and her doctor has just told her that due to a disease, her time is running out to have a baby of her own. This is her last chance of having a family, this is the story of having Faith. E/O!
1. Chapter 1: Ultimatum

**Hey everyone! Don't worry, 'With Love' is still in the works. I haven't forgotten about it! This is just something that's been rolling around in my head for awhile and I finally got the chance to put it on paper...or at least, keyboard :P**

**Anyway, tell me what you think of this! I could continue or I could stop here, although I DO have more written :) Let me know your thoughts!**

"It's got to be now or never, Olivia" the older woman spoke gently, a sad smile on her lips as she gave the news to her white faced patient.

Olivia Benson fisted a hand against her tight flat abdomen as she closed her eyes to shut out the pain – both of what her doctor was saying and the relentless cramping ache in her lower belly that had gotten worse and worse each month when she had her period.

"When you came in last year with severe discomfort and menstrual cramps we diagnosed you with endometriosis. You were told that we would eventually have to perform a complete hysterectomy at some point. Judging by the ultrasound and the increasing levels of pain you've been experiencing over the last 12 months – I'd give it at maximum another 6-7 months before you're putting yourself in imminent risk of a ruptured ovary and subsequent haemorrhage. If you weren't serious about wanting a baby I would advise you to have the procedure done immediately. Have you changed your mind about wanting a child?"

Olivia shook her head vehemently, "No…no I want to be a mom more than anything".

"So why haven't you moved forward with your plans for artificial insemination?"

Olivia shook her head again. "I didn't know who my father was for a long time…I didn't know what genes or traits he passed on to me – I don't want my baby to suffer like I did not knowing".

"Olivia this is different, your baby won't be born of rape. And you know we do background checks on our donors".

"People lie on the questionnaires, switch states and names" Olivia continued, turning her head away, towards the wall to hide the tears threatening to fall.

"I'll give it to you straight Olivia, even if you were to become pregnant in the next few months – which is unlikely as in-vitro generally takes three tries to be successful – you would still be a high risk pregnancy, with an higher risk for possible complications or miscarriage. You would be putting your own life in danger, especially given you're over 40".

But Olivia continued on, "And most of the donors are college kids looking for a quick buck, I'm old enough to be some of their mothers".

"You need to decide Olivia…I know it's hard to hear and even harder to accept but time is running out for you to successfully carry and deliver a healthy baby. This disease will run its course".

"I get it" Olivia snapped. Then she stopped, sighing deeply and pushing her hair back from her face with both hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you".

The doctor smiled kindly, laying a comforting hand on the younger woman's arm. "I know…Go home, get some rest Olivia. A hot water bottle and a bubble bath is the best prescription I can give you if you're serious about trying to conceive. I'll fax a prescription over to your drug store for the hormones and vitamins you'll need to start taking to prepare your body for a pregnancy".

Olivia smiled wanly as the doctor left. Drained, she headed home; indulging herself by taking a cab.

She stepped into the shower and made the water scorchingly hot, angling the spray at her belly and thinking about what the doctor had said at the appointment earlier today, and last year when she had first gone in to her OB/GYN after her periods had become increasingly painful and heavy.

She'd been diagnosed with a condition called endometriosis – scarring of the fallopian tubes and ovaries that would make it difficult for her to conceive and caused her excruciating pain every month – at times so bad she had to take the day off work to sleep it off with prescribed painkillers.

But now, even that small bit of relief was denied to her if she was going to go through with the in-vitro fertilization.

Curling up on the couch a little while later, her mind whirled with expenses and numbers and doubts. Each round of in-vitro cost around $5000. If it took 3 tries to even get pregnant nonetheless stay pregnant. She would barely be able to take a maternity leave after the baby was born, or during her pregnancy if there were complications, which the doctor warned her was almost inevitable.

And until her baby was here, if it was ever going to be…she was completely alone.

She was sick, and she was tired…God, she was just so tired.

Staring blankly at the tv, Olivia's fingers dialed Elliot's number like they had so many times before. The difference now is that she never pressed send…

She had only talked to Elliot a few times since he'd left the squad – she knew there were problems in his marriage and that he would forever have trouble forgiving himself for the squadroom shooting, even if he had just been doing his job.

It was more of a security blanket than anything, she wouldn't call him.

With Elliot gone and her hopes of a family of her own quickly fading she couldn't help the silent tears that ran down her cheeks even as she fell asleep. Alone…that's what Olivia Benson did best. To let herself believe anything else would just be cruel fantasy.

Less than an hour later, Olivia woke to a darkened room – tv still on and the clock showing it was just half past eight.

She couldn't figure out why she had woken so abruptly when she heard the knocking again. Not feeling like dealing with neighbours right now she ignored the noise until finally she couldn't stand it any longer.

Throwing back the afghan blanket she forced herself to her feet, ignoring the pain still gripping her womb and threw open the front door, ready to flash her badge and tell whoever it was that she was going to arrest them for public disturbance.

What she didn't expect was to see the tall dark silhouette fill the doorframe, illuminated by the light in the hallway so that his very presence seemed to fill the room and take the air from her lungs; because there in the doorway stood Elliot.

**Sooo? Whaddya think? I kinda like the fact this is going along with S13 of SVU instead of being AU. Makes it easier to pretend it's real! **


	2. Chapter 2: Reopening Wounds

**Thanks for the love guys! Keep on sending it :) Keeps me motivated and keeps me WRITING! xoxo Hope your holidays are going splendidly!**

**Review review review! Would love to wake up on my day off tomorrow to a bunch of reviews from you guys :) Hint, hint... :P**

"El" her lips formed the words but no sound came from them save for a strangled sounding sob as she backed away from the door.

Now that she was on her feet she felt weaker than ever. The sweat she could feel had broken out over her body told her she was hot, but she shivered nonetheless. Her tired mind couldn't process why Elliot was here, now.

He came towards her into her living room. Noticing how she was swaying on her feet he stepped even closer.

"Liv – what's the matter?" he pressed her. Elliot had no clue as to why she'd called him now, out of the blue.

The first couple of months after he'd left she'd been calling him countless times every day. But the calls and voice messages had ended after a while – and that had hurt more than he cared to admit.

"Why are you here?" she croaked out, crossing her arms over her chest tightly.

"You called me Liv…"

"Only a thousand times Elliot, the last time I called you was months ago – before you made it clear that now that you'd quit your job you'd also apparently quit me".

"Liv, I'm sorry. But when you called me tonight I, I was scared something had happened to you. Something felt wrong, I…" he broke off, not quite knowing how to phrase what he wanted to say.

Olivia's eyes widened in realization of what must have happened; when she'd dialed Elliot's number she must have pressed send instead of cancel and the call must have gone through.

He was so close to her now, his hands so close to skimming her shoulders; she could feel the potent heat flowing out of him.

"I never meant to hurt you Olivia; I was trying to protect you from me. I thought you'd be better off if I made it like I'd never been in your life".

"That should have been my choice to make Elliot, and you and I both know that's not the one I'd make".

"I failed…I failed you, I failed my family – failed our victim and her daughter. I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. How could I go on as if nothing had happened?"

"And you can't expect to do that now, Elliot – oh" Olivia shut her eyes, hunching over slightly as another cramp held her in its grasp and she let out a low groan of pain.

"Olivia, what's the matter? Are you sick? Liv you gotta tell me…I might not deserve to be in your life right now and you may not want me to be. But there is no way in hell I'm leaving you like this".

He steered her gently over to the couch, hovering over her worriedly as she curled up on her side.

"Tell me what hurts Liv" he pressed her gently for an answer, his hand moving to hover over hers where it gripped the fabric of her shirt over her stomach.

"Last year…just after you'd left I went to see my doctor. I found out I had a condition called endometriosis and that eventually I would have to have a hysterectomy so that I wouldn't haemorrhage one day during my menstrual cycle".

She forced herself to speak the words, choking them past the lump in her throat that had emerged as she saw the sympathy and tenderness in Elliot's eyes as she told him.

"It…the condition, makes it extremely hard to get and stay pregnant. My doctor told me today that if I don't become pregnant in the next 6 or 7 months she'll be forced to do the procedure anyway…that's why the pain is worse than usual. I can't take any painkillers if I want to conceive soon".

"Have you chosen a donor yet?" Elliot asked, his disbelief growing. And damn him if he didn't feel a bit relieved when she shook her wan face no. "I haven't been able to" she admitted quietly.

"I want my baby to know his or her father, or at least have the chance to".

Elliot felt a new flare of anger and jealousy as he imagined Olivia's belly full with another man's child. Though he dared not share that fact, it was amazing enough she was even talking to him given how angry she had been, how angry she still was at him.

But the image of Olivia with a baby in her arms pinned his heart with a sense of wanting. And he couldn't help himself from blurting out "Olivia, let me be the father of your baby".

Olivia's distracted gaze, turned to him. "What? El you're married – I hardly think Kathy would be okay with-"

Elliot cut her off again, "Liv…I got a divorce. Kathy and I have been over since a month after I left SVU. She just couldn't take living with me anymore…".

Olivia was shocked into silence again.

Elliot reached out to brush the hair out of her face. "Olivia, I've lost almost everything I ever cared about in the past year… I couldn't take the chance of losing you too. It's why I didn't call. But now that's worked against me too and I've hurt you, something I never meant to do."

Strong calloused hands grabbed her own trembling ones fiercely; "don't let me lose you too Liv – don't shut me out. I get that you're mad at me, be mad. Be furious, but please please don't not care".

"I've always cared El"…she started to say but he held up a hand, and looking into the anguish in those darkened blue eyes silenced her.

"Let me give you a baby, Olivia. I don't believe for one second that you're okay with not knowing exactly who the father of your child is…not after what you've been put through. This way your baby will have two parents…you'll have someone to help you through the pregnancy if it's going to be as difficult as your doctor seems to think it will be. This way, you won't be alone".

"Elliot, you have 5 kids – why would you want another?"

"My kids are grown up now, the only one who's still living at home is Eli and Kathy and I share custody. I want to make a baby with you, Liv. I'm not on the squad any more…there's no reason not to…" his voice trailed off as he realized he was getting carried away.

This was the first time he'd seen Olivia in months and it was already on the tip of his tongue to tell her he loved her.

Instead he moved over closer to her on the couch, pulling her gently into him as he fingered the delicate gold chain around her neck and pulling the charm from where it rested in the valley of the dip of her breasts.

"Semper fi, Liv" it was a promise, not a memento. "You had to know I would always come back to you…God help me I tried not to, thinking you were better off".

Elliot took in the drawn look of pain on her face despite the bright brown eyes staring at him, staring into him. He could feel her skin burning with feverish heat and how she trembled as though she were freezing.

"You don't need to decide now Liv. Get some sleep, I'm not leaving."

"I'll be fine, El. Go home, we can talk tomorrow" she muttered, curling up on her side again around the ball of fiery pain settled deep in her belly.

"I'm not leaving you like this, Liv; you're sick".

"Do whatever you want, Elliot" she sighed, not meeting his eyes and slowly made her way down the hall and into her bedroom.

Not even bothering to turn down the covers Olivia curled up on her side in a ball, wanting the oblivion of sleep desperately and commanding herself to not give in to the wetness in her eyes.

A light knock on her door several minutes later preceded Elliot entering her room.

Olivia pretended to be asleep as he came over to the side of the bed. He ever so carefully turned the covers down around her before covering her shoulders with a blanket.

She felt him pause for a moment, still bent over her body and felt a cool damp roughness on the clammy skin of her forehead as he wiped her face gently with a cold cloth.

Still forcing herself to keep her eyes closed and her breathing deep and even, Olivia felt the bed shift again as he lifted the covers, this time to place a fresh hot water bottle against her back.

His fingers rasped her skin gently as he brushed back her hair from her face.

"You accused me of living my life and forgetting you…it wasn't living without you with me" he muttered softly, believing she was asleep before he turned on his heel and walked out of the room.

**What a beautiful blue review button! You should press it and write something...you don't even have to be logged in! Oooh pretty button!**


	3. Chapter 3: Decisions

**Merry Christmas & a very Happy New Year! Hope you are all having a wonderful holidays - here's my little gift to you! Would love it if you 'present'ed me back with some reviews - really and truly the several I got the last couple of days spurred me on to write and finish this chapter just 5 minutes ago!**

Waking up the next morning, Olivia didn't want to admit how good it felt to wake up in Elliot's arms – tucked in tightly against his chest with her head resting just underneath his chin.

"Morning sunshine" Elliot's voice rumbled through his chest so she could feel him speak.

"Hey" she replied back, brushing her hair out of her sleep filled eyes. "Sorry I fell asleep on you – told you I wouldn't be very good company" she joked weakly.

"You're the only company I want" Elliot answered evenly meeting her eyes.

She shrugged more fully out of his arms. "Elliot…you just stepped back into my life yesterday. Now you're suggesting we move in and have a baby together? I – I don't know what to think".

"I don't know about you, but what I do know is that if you're going to be a mother it needs to happen soon" his hand hovered just above her belly although his eyes never left hers.

"I know that I love you, Olivia Benson – I can't tell you how, or what way – because its not something I've ever felt before. And fuck it all, I don't do big emotional speeches. But I'm not leaving again Olivia, not of my own free will. It's your choice this time. You want me to step out that door and never come near you again, God help me I'll do my best" he paused, looking around the room helplessly.

"But I need you to know that I don't want to leave you. Not now, not while you're jumped up on hormone shots and not when you take that test and God willing if it's positive, not for the next 20 years and longer. Let's see where this goes Liv…tell me what you want."

Looking down at her hands in her lap, Olivia blinked back tears. "I want a baby" she whispered brokenly. "I want your baby".

Her gaze rose to meet his again and she couldn't resist the lure of his arms as he folded her into them gently, pulling her over so she was lying down again, cradled against him on the couch.

Glad she wasn't able to meet his eyes anymore, she closed her own – exhausted. "I cannot lose you again Elliot. I swear to God it nearly killed me the first time".

"Until the day you order me away, take out a restraining order Olivia, I swear I'm not going anywhere…You know I'm a man of my word. Which is why I don't give it unless I can keep it."

"Olivia I give you my word, that I am never leaving you – that I will do everything in my power to make sure you never hurt and make you happy".

"I can't promise you anything in return Elliot. You know I love you, but…" her voice trailed off.

"I can't even guarantee that I'll get pregnant – then you'll want nothing to do with me".

Elliot swore quietly. "That's not true…I came here tonight not knowing anything and I'm staying" he paused, smiling sadly before chuckling. "It's been 13 years Olivia – it's time to give us a chance".

Two weeks later Elliot and Olivia walked into the fertility clinic feeling as awkward as teenagers looking for free condom handouts.

"Elliot…" Olivia started to say as they approached the receptionist's desk.

"Liv, if you ask me one more time if I'm sure about doing this" he threatened jokingly, squeezing her hand in his as she blushed at his retort.

"Come on, let's make a baby".

Olivia was sent into the operation room to be prepped for the procedure, while Elliot was shuffled off to a different room to perform his 'procedure'.

He stepped into the small room, finding the material and decorations more amusing than arousing. Pictures of naked women covered the walls – older women, extraordinarily large women. Even pictures of young male models, probably for same sex couples trying to conceive through a surrogate.

But Elliot's inspiration didn't come from the dog eared magazines and constant reel of porn playing from the tv set in the corner.

It came from his memory – remembering how good Olivia had felt pressed against him on the couch. How he had used every ounce of control not to take things further 3 years ago when she posed as a prostitute to save his cover, coming out in nothing but a lacy pair of black briefs and a demi cut bra.

If he had it his way, they would be doing this the old fashioned way. After all, with 5 kids Elliot Stabler didn't need much in the way of tests to prove his virility. But he understood Olivia's reasons, even if they were silently killing him.

Cleaning up, he was ushered into the exam room where Olivia was lying reclined on a chair, her legs in stirrups with a sheet covering her from the waist down.

"Hey" Elliot spoke in a half whisper, sitting down next to Olivia and taking one of her hands in his – rubbing it so that warmth would return.

Olivia turned to him, eyes large and round with panic. "What if this doesn't work?" she choked out quietly, searching Elliot's face for something to reassure her that a life was about to be created deep in her womb.

"Then we'll try again. And if artificial insemination doesn't work we'll do in vitro. I'm in this for the long haul Liv, you gotta trust me".

"I do" she swallowed back the lump in her throat as the freshly scrubbed doctor entered the room.

A whimper of fear escaped her lips as the nurse raised the sheet covering her legs.

"Relax Ms. Benson – you need to keep your legs and hips loose and relaxed so I can perform the procedure" the doctor explained not unkindly.

"Sorry" Olivia said hoarsely, squeezing her eyes shut and squeezed Elliot's hand even harder as the doctor lifted a long syringe from the mat of instruments the nurse had laid out.

Elliot pressed his lips to her tightly fisted hand, stroking it with his thumb to reassure her.

"You're doing so good Liv – I'm so proud of you" his heart ached at the wetness he could see forming at the corners of her tightly shut eyes.

He brushed the moisture away with his thumb but then the tears escaped, rolling down her cheeks silently as the doctor pressed a gloved hand into her belly, feeling for the best position to insert the syringe.

Olivia couldn't help from crying as she felt the gentle rasp of Elliot's fingers as he brushed away her tears, speaking soft soothing words to her. She was so so glad he was here with her. So glad it was his seed that would mix with hers.

She sent silent desperate prayers up to heaven, praying that the procedure would take the first time. That in a few moments a new life would begin to grow where there had only been barren and scarred battlefield before.

She tensed as she felt the tube enter her, breathing deeply in and out to try and keep her muscles from clenching and stay relaxed.

"Relax your hips, Ms. Benson" the doctor commanded, not looking up from the insertion of the tube.

"Liv, Liv look at me" Elliot coaxed her.

When she did she was struck, as she always was, by the deep blue of his eyes and the spark of warmth that entered them it seemed, whenever he looked at her.

He cupped her face with one hand, having her breathe with him to take her mind off the extreme discomfort of the tube.

The doctor depressed the plunger and a warmth instantly flooded Olivia's belly as Elliot's product entered her.

The doctor withdrew the syringe slowly until it was all the way out. Elliot stared at the tube covered in smears of Olivia's blood with distaste knowing it had caused her pain.

"You'll need to stay here, with your legs elevated for at least an hour before we can release you to go home seeing as you have someone to stay with you. Then we recommend a period of 48 hours bed rest". The doctor chattered on…going over his chart and ticking several boxes off as he did so.

"Is there anything she or I can do to help the procedure be effective?" Elliot asked the doctor, keeping an eye on Olivia who was drowsy from the sedatives she'd been given.

"If possible, we recommend patients supplement with intercourse between rounds of fertilization. And although there is no medical proof to effectively back this theory up – women who orgasm in the 24 hours before and/or after insertion of sperm are more likely to become pregnant".

Drowsy and exhausted as she was; Olivia's mind snapped back to attention as the doctor's words sunk in. If she wasn't drugged and didn't want this baby so badly, she'd have run from the room. Lord knows Elliot had been the source of her fantasies when she'd had to turn to her trusty battery operated friend – but that certainly didn't mean she wanted Elliot to know how badly she wanted, she needed him. He was doing enough to agree to help her through the conception and pregnancy, despite the fact he had told her he wanted more.

Elliot thanked the doctor again, although carefully refrained from shaking his hand before going back to sit by Olivia's side as her eyelids fought the lure of sleep and drugs.

"Rest now Liv…I told you I'm not going anywhere. Shut your eyes for a little while and think good thoughts about how we may have just made a baby".

Hazy from the sedatives, Olivia let her eyes close. Her free hand slid to her belly, cupping it tenderly as she gave into sleep as though there might already be a spark of life there to cradle.

**Will the procedure work the first time? Will Olivia be able to face disappointment and the risks again if it doesn't?**

** Review & all shall be revealed!**

** Okay, okay... at least the next chapter will be revealed :)**


	4. Chapter 4: A Dying Dream

**Well hey! Look at that! Cause and effect lesson for ya :) You review, I update! None of this was written before I got your reviews, but every time I got an email telling me there was a new review I was reminded that, oh yeah, I have a story to write! So thank you & keep it up if you want to read more!**

**Xoxo Read on!**

Elliot watched Olivia's sleeping form for the next hour and a half. Under the harsh fluorescent lights he could clearly see the bruise colored bags underneath her eyes and how utterly drained and lifeless she looked. Even so she was still the most beautiful thing Elliot had ever seen…

God, he hoped this worked. In her sleep the hospital gown had shifted to one side and he could see the deep circular bruise on her thigh from where she'd had to inject herself with daily bouts of hormones in preparation for the surgery today.

Then he noticed the goose bumps that had broken out over her skin. He took her hand in his and swore softly. She was freezing.

Shrugging out of his jacket, he draped the soft worn leather over Olivia to keep her warm – smiling ruefully at the knowledge that she would insist she was fine if she was awake.

Olivia woke soon enough, feeling slightly better than before. She noticed a heaviness on her chest and shoulders and opened her eyes to see what it was. Even if she hadn't instantly recognized the warm musky scent, one glance told her it was Elliot's jacket – and that he was still in the chair next to her.

"El…you didn't need to stay…" she started, her voice still groggy from sleep and sedatives.

"Yes I did Liv – you're not supposed to be left alone for the next 48 hours remember? But even if I hadn't had to, I would've stayed".

A sad smile tugged at his heart and he nodded towards the beeping monitors around her. "How are you feeling?"

She groaned slightly, "Kind of like I've been the victim of a hit and run with a Mack truck" she admitted – wincing as she sat up and reached for her sweater.

She closed her eyes for a moment, "I just wanna go home".

"Okay" Elliot agreed, picking up her chart from the bed. "I'll start the paperwork at the front desk. You okay to get dressed?"

"Yeah El, I'm fine".

Olivia's apartment was on the 8th floor of her building, but renovations meant they could only take the elevator to the fourth floor and had to take the stairs the rest of the way.

Olivia grimaced with each consecutive step. Of all the days for the elevator to break down it had to be this one, she thought to herself.

Elliot watched her intently as she slowly made her way up the stairs, it scared him more than he cared to admit that she actually accepted the arm he held out to her – and was leaning on it heavily as he helped her up the stairs.

Once they got to her apartment he made sure Olivia got straight into bed and stayed there for the next 48 hours, only getting up to go to the bathroom and shower.

"You don't know how much I appreciate this El" Olivia said the morning of the third day after the insemination as Elliot prepared to go back to his own apartment for the next 4 weeks as she waited to take a pregnancy blood test.

"You don't need to ever thank me for anything, Liv. Just think pregnant thoughts" he smiled, leaning against the door before he left.

"In fact, I think you look a little rounder already" he teased, eyes sparkling.

Olivia snorted and swatted him on the shoulder before her expression became thoughtful again and Elliot squeezed her shoulder before his hand moved up to brush her cheek gently.

"Call me Liv – let me know the minute anything happens, even if it's not the anything we were hoping for."

Three weeks later Olivia stood in front of her bathroom mirror, brushing her hair before work. Cocking her head to one side she grinned at her reflection.

She was two days late.

Nothing to put money on, she'd always been slightly irregular; her cycle varying from 2-4 days when it was supposed to start. But still, it was a good sign she thought as she slung her coat over her shoulders and headed to work.

She'd even felt a little queasy a couple days ago when she and everyone from work had met up at a breakfast bar they frequented.

Around two o' clock Olivia was thick in the midst of interrogating a suspect they liked for the recent rapes and beatings of successful single women in the area.

Leaning over the dull grey metal surface of the table, Olivia got close to Randall Donovan's face.

"Handsome enough guy – you have to wonder why you need to force women. Guess you can't get it up any other way" she baited him, smiling confidently in a way she knew would bug the hell out of him.

"Oh I can get it up just fine…and when I do, every single one of those frigid bitches plead for their lives and did exactly what I told them to do. Just like you would sweetheart" he leered at Olivia's chest.

"You'd never even have a chance with me" Olivia retorted back. "Just like you knew you wouldn't with any of the women you raped".

"You could use a good hard screwing from a man who knows how" Donovan sneered back.

"You bitches are all the same. It's all 'career, career, career' until your biological clock starts ticking and suddenly you're begging for a man like me to come around. What about you Olivia? You're hot as hell but you've got a few years on you. Is your clock ticking away too? See I could give you beautiful babies Olivia. You'd swell up big and ripe with my seed".

Randall Donovan's hand twitched towards his groin unconsciously as he spoke, his eyes burning holes through Olivia's clothing as if he were trying to see through them.

Olivia was horrified to feel the sting of tears at the back of her eyes, and when she spoke her voice was huskier than normal. "Like I said – you'd never even have a chance, not with me or any of those poor women".

Olivia spun on her heel and stalked confidently out of the interrogation room feeling anything but. She'd got her confession…Randall Donovan was certainly going to trial, and once he was convicted he'd never hurt another woman again.

But his words rang cruelly in her ears, loud and clear as if he'd just spoken them.

She kept walking until she reached the women's restroom, locking herself in a stall so she could compose herself.

Leaning her head back against the cool metal of the door Olivia breathed in deeply until she could think clearly again. But when she could – she was horrified to feel a slight wetness between her legs.

Before she'd even had a chance to look down, she knew what it would be. Her period had come…she wasn't pregnant.

After cleaning up she braced herself on the bathroom counter and looked at her reflection. Where this morning she had seen a happy glowing, possibly expectant mother she now saw an aging woman – tired and haggard with red rimmed eyes wet with tears.

You're being stupid, she told herself. It's not like you've lost a baby Olivia – you never had one. There never was a baby; you just tricked yourself into believing there was.

Now she had to tell Elliot and schedule a doctor's appointment to figure out why the procedure hadn't worked – when all she wanted to do was slide down to the cool cement of the floor and let the tears flow and release the aching pressure in her chest and throat.

Splashing water on her face hoping it would hide the evidence she'd been crying she stopped quickly by Captain Cragen's office to let him know she was leaving for the day and then drove home in a haze of what if's wondering if there was anything she could have done differently that would have meant there would now be a baby in her belly.

**I know, I know...too sad! But review & we'll see if everything is really as bad as it seems. With Elliot around, how can it be? Next chapter I promise there's a TON of fluffiness & EOness. But like all books, and like life (as cheesy as it sounds) - there can't be unicorns and rainbows all the time. There's always rain before you get the rainbow. **

**Sooo, review!**


	5. Chapter 5: Out of the Ashes

**Happy New Year's everyone! Hope 2012 is an amazing year filled with love, life & laughter for everyone :) Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

"Got my period - Didn't take" she texted Elliot the brief message as she climbed the stairs to her apartment. The elevator STILL wasn't working properly.

She knew she should call him. But she couldn't. She couldn't stand hearing the low husky tones of his voice echo her own pain. Even less could she bear the thought of seeing him – see sympathy fill those blue eyes she knew so well.

It was stupid, she knew, but she felt like she had failed somehow. Failed herself, failed Elliot…even failed the baby that would now never even have the chance to exist because the AI procedure didn't take.

And to add insult to injury she had to admit to herself that she had jumped the gun a little, thinking she was pregnant.

She'd been warned by her doctor that the hormones she had to take in preparation for the AI would cause suggestive symptoms. She was uncomfortably bloated, her breasts were sore to the touch and her emotions were all over the place because of the hormone injections.

The only plus side she could find was the fact that the hormone therapy also seemed to have decreased the frequency and intensity of the cramping she normally experienced with her period ever since her condition had first appeared.

Sinking onto her couch and turning on the tv just for background noise Olivia closed her eyes, desperately wanting sleep to rescue her from the thoughts swirling around in her mind.

She'd call her doctor tomorrow and schedule a follow-up appointment to determine when, and if, they could try again next month. But not tonight – tonight she couldn't even stomach the thought of finding something in her barren fridge to eat.

She grimaced at her choice of words as she wrapped her arms around a pillow she clutched tightly to her chest.

Olivia was just dozing off when she heard a forceful knocking on her door. Groaning she rolled off the couch and looked out the peephole of her door.

"Olivia, open the door".

"Elliot, I'm fine – please, just go home".

His voice came through the door again, softer this time, huskier in that tone she'd dreaded hearing that made her eyes smart. "You know I can stay out here all night, Liv. Come on, just open the door".

Olivia opened the door but made no move to let him enter. "I don't want to talk about it Elliot".

"Fine" he agreed easily, surprising Olivia as he shrugged off his jacket and sat down on her couch. "We don't need to talk if you don't want to".

Knowing when she was beat, and too tired to do anything about it Olivia went to sit on the other side of the couch, drawing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on them as they watched an old rerun of Seinfeld silently.

Elliot's 6 foot 4 frame filled up most of her couch so that sitting on the opposite side she was still close enough to him that he could stretch out his arms and fold her into them.

It broke his heart that she neither resisted, or welcomed his embrace – instead merely allowing him to hold her to him.

"Liv…"

"I said I didn't want to talk about it…"

The raw pain he could hear in her voice that made it ragged ate at his own soul so he just held her tighter, pressing his lips to the top of her head and rubbing her back in slow circles.

He could feel every tear that soaked through his shirt to his chest as she hid herself from view. But when an advertisement for Johnson's lotion came on with a woman and a baby, her shoulders shook and a horrible sob ripped from her throat.

Clicking the tv off with the remote and gathering her in his lap he rocked her back and forth as she cried herself out, making soothing sounds that didn't mean anything and kissing her forehead as she buried her face in his shirt, ashamed of her tears.

"It'll happen Liv…it's only the first try".

"I know I'm being s-stupid but, but I was so s-sure I was…M-my breasts were sore and I've been so tired. I just thought…"

Stifling another sob she sat back slightly, wiping her hand across her eyes as she tried to compose herself.

Unable to help himself, Elliot cupped her face with one hand and she held it there with her own, turning her face into it for a moment.

"Have you called Dr. Bronson yet?" Elliot asked softly, wiping away a tear that was about to fall with a brush of his thumb.

Olivia shook her head. Keeping her tucked into him with one arm he reached for the cordless phone with the other, dialing the number from the business card he'd kept in his wallet.

"Hi, Dr. Bronson…Yes, it's Elliot Stabler, Olivia's-uh, partner" he cleared his throat as he listened to the woman on the other end of the line.

He nodded to himself and made noises of agreement every so often, frowning once or twice at something she said. "Okay, yup we'll be in tomorrow morning. Is there anything – okay. Alright, thank you".

He put the phone aside and turned back to Olivia. "We have an appointment first thing tomorrow morning. Now what do you feel like eating for dinner?"

Olivia pulled a face, "Ugh. The hormone injections have got me feeling so lousy the thought of eating anything just makes me -" she shuddered, running a hand through her hair.

"Alright, I'll find something for dinner while you rest for a bit".

"I'm not pregnant Elliot, you don't need to start treating me like porcelain yet" she reminded him sadly, stating in a lower whisper "I don't expect you to do any of this…I"

Olivia broke off and started to walk out of the kitchen but Elliot's voice stopped her in her tracks with the vein of anger she heard running through it.

"What were you going to say, Olivia? That you don't expect anything of me except to be a sperm donor?" He wiped a hand across his face angrily before striding over and taking her shoulders in his hands.

"If that's what you want from me Olivia, I can't give it to you. I can't walk away once my baby is inside you…once any baby is inside you. Hell, baby or no baby; this, this, is where I want to be Liv".

"I know" she agreed quietly, wrapping her arms around herself and disappearing into the bedroom.

She showered and changed into sweats, this time ignoring the mirror at all costs. She knew all too well what a not pregnant single woman looked like.

Coming back into the kitchen, Elliot had set out plates and candles and dimmed the lights, bathing the room in a rosy glow. Whatever was simmering in the pot on the stove smelled amazing and Olivia's stomach grumbled, giving her away.

Elliot turned, his lips curving up into a smile as she wandered over to the stove and tasted the sauce.

"Mmm, since when did you learn to cook?" she teased him lightly.

His smile turned rueful, "since I became single again and had to if I wanted to eat" he joked back.

He carefully served out two portions of pasta, bringing them over to the dining room table and Olivia followed him with the bread basket.

Sitting down at the place set for her, Olivia's eyes filled and her mouth trembled as she saw the wine glass of milk Elliot had put out for her along with her two daily prenatal vitamins she was taking in preparation.

"I know you were probably thinking of something stronger after today…but we'll keep trying Liv. It'll happen."

"Thank you" she mouthed with a watery smile, not wanting her voice to crack again in front of him.

Olivia's attention turned to her plate as she took her first bite. "Okay Stabler, I know I took a while in the bathroom. But there's no way you could have had time to go out to the store and yet I cannot for the life of me think as to where you found shrimp".

Blue eyes smiled over at her from the other side of the table. "You need to clean out your freezer more often Liv – there was half a frozen shrimp cocktail ring in there. Put that together with cream cheese and tomato sauce and you have a seafood rose".

He affected an exaggerated French accent at the end and kissed his fingers, making Olivia burst out laughing.

"I missed you".

The words were out of Olivia's lips before she knew what she was saying, and they hung there a moment in the surprised silence until Elliot reached across the table and took her hand.

"I missed you too, Liv. More than you'll ever know".

Since they were going to the doctor's the next morning anyway, it made more sense that Elliot crash on her couch rather than drive home to his own apartment.

Besides, Elliot didn't want Olivia to be alone tonight. He knew she'd be alright, of course she would. But that didn't make today's massive disappointment any easier.

Olivia wandered out of her bathroom after brushing her teeth, pausing as she walked past the full length mirror beside her dresser vanity.

Turning to the side, she ran both hands down her still woefully flat tummy, wondering what it would be like to wake up one day and be able to feel life under her fingertips.

She couldn't wait for her belly to start to swell when, and if she got pregnant.

Olivia was so deep in thought she didn't notice her bedroom door swing gently open and a tall figure enter the room.

Elliot watched Olivia watch herself, running her hands down her body, imagining – he realized and thinking of what her body would look like when it was swollen with the child he knew she wished she carried.

He came up behind her silently, keeping just out of the frame of the mirror. "You know you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, no matter what Liv".

As she whirled around in surprise to face him he caught her lightly by the waist. Skimming his hand up from her hip to just below her breast he pulled her closer, unconscious and uncaring of what he was doing.

He needed to touch her, to feel the firm silken warmth of her skin.

Instead of shying away from his touch Olivia arched slightly towards him, eyes wide pools of uncertainty and excitement all at the same time.

"So beautiful" he whispered again, this time nuzzling her neck with his lips – brushing the skin just below her ear.

With a gasp and a brief moan Olivia raised her head to meet his lips with her own. Elliot's hands moved up to cup her face as he kissed her fiercely, deeply.

Elliot was nearly brought to his knees as Olivia's tongue swept lightly along his inner lip. He could feel her lips curve into a smile and then break apart from him slightly as she gasped again as Elliot's hands curved around her bottom, molding her to him in a way that made her grind against him, desperate to release the tight coiling in her belly that sent heat searing through every vein, returning back to pool in the junction between her legs.

Elliot broke off, breathing heavily, leaning his forehead against hers before he opened his eyes again. "Do you know how long I've waited to do that? How long I've wanted that?"

"Probably almost as long as I have" Olivia replied. "This almost makes it worth having you leave the squad".

"Mhmm" Elliot agreed, still holding her close and playing with her hair with one hand as she rested her head against his shoulder. "IAB can't touch you now. I'll be the one doing all the touching".

"Are you sure about this El?" Olivia pushed back from him slightly with her hands against his chest, adding softly "– I can't lose you twice. I'm not strong enough".

"You are strong enough for anything, Olivia Benson. But you'll never ever lose me".

**Would love to wake up in 2012 to some reviews! xo**


	6. Chapter 6: A Flicker of Hope

**Happy New Year everybody!****I hope everyone's 2012 is going fabulously so far! Took me AGES to write this, literally just finished a minute ago. **

**Send me some love, reviews & motivation! & Hailey Q? I think you're starting to know me too well ;) Or perhaps just merely a long lost twin. **

"How'd you sleep last night?" Elliot asked as he heard Olivia's footsteps behind him in the kitchen the next morning.

"Mmm, not bad," she reached for a mug from the cupboard which Elliot then took out of her hand, replacing it with one filled with hot water and a tea bag.

Olivia didn't know whether to laugh, cry or hit him until he opened his mouth again.

"Coffee's off limits Liv, remember?"

"Of course I remember, but I'm not pregnant Elliot. Now give me my damn coffee," she reached up for it as Elliot raised his arm above his head – watching her in amusement.

"Two sips." He relented, passing over the steaming cup.

But the moment the hot liquid touched her lips, her stomach protested.

"Jeez, El did you forget how to make coffee since the last time we were together." she teased him before realizing what she'd said in error.

Elliot didn't miss a thing though; it was what made him such a great detective. "Ex-detective," she corrected herself mentally.

"What are we now, Olivia?" his tone was teasing but his eyes were as serious as she'd ever seen them. "Are we together?"

He stepped forward, holding her loosely by the hips as he drew her in close.

"I think so," she replied, unable to remove her gaze from the magnetic pull of the baby blues staring back at her which now moved even closer.

"Well then let me make you sure." Elliot brought his head down to meet her lips, that were still slightly open in surprise.

Less than a millimetre away from her face now he paused, needing her to make the final move. Not only to assure him, but also to reassure herself that this was her choice, and what she wanted.

One final breath of restraint, and then she was lost. The feel of his body against hers turned every nerve ending to fire, and her knees to mush.

Never had she felt so safe, so protected in a man's arms as she did with Elliot. And never had she felt stronger.

Before, feeling – feeling anything meant to her that she was vulnerable, over-dependant. But Elliot made her feel like the strongest woman in the world, but he also made her feel like she didn't have to be anymore.

Elliot's heart thumped erratically as Olivia responded. A resounding thrill of triumph arcing through his veins…

Not triumph over Olivia, but triumph that after all this time he was finally holding her in his arms without her injured or possibly dying.

At the moment, they weren't cops – ex or otherwise. They were just a man and a woman; it was as simple and complex as that.

Finally, the kiss ended – although not without reluctance on both parts.

Olivia sighed, "We're going to be late." She paused, biting her lip hesitantly for a moment before turning back to Elliot as if she'd decided something.

"I don't want to go, Elliot… I don't need another person or another test to remind me or tell me that there's no baby."

"Well then let's go to find out what we can do so that there is a baby."

An hour later found them sitting in the doctor's office waiting to be called. Olivia didn't even notice she was wringing her hands until Elliot caught her hands in his own, stilling them; and she realized the skin was rubbed red and raw.

She gave him a rueful, nervous smile just before the nurse called out "Olivia Benson?" and she was ushered into the exam room where Elliot would join her in a few minutes.

Once again, Olivia found herself lying on a cold metal examination table, the thin hospital not doing anything to provide any warmth.

The door opened halfway as the nurse let Elliot in so they could wait for the doctor together. And again, like last time, Elliot held her hands in his; lending her his warmth and his strength.

"I'm terrified she's going to say that we can't try again," Olivia confessed; rubbing at the place the nurse had just drawn blood. "Whatever hormones they have me on, I just feel awful and weak and tired all the time. It's one thing to scale back on my job if I'm pregnant – but if I have to beforehand as well I can say goodbye to any maternity leave I might once have taken."

"Liv, Liv…listen to me," Elliot moved closer to her making sure her eyes were focused on his. "The only thing you have to think about right now is being as healthy as you can so that when, not if; but when you're pregnant our baby will grow big and strong."

"Well, maybe I can put your minds at ease then. I can at least tell you everything looks fine with your baby at this point." Dr. Bronson walked in the door studying Olivia's chart with a beaming smile across her face.

"What do you mean: everything looks fine with the baby?" Elliot asked, confused.

"I mean," the doctor continued; "that the procedure worked. You're approximately four weeks pregnant Olivia."

"But…I bled, I had a period – I can't be pregnant," Olivia insisted, clamping down tightly on the disappointment tightening her chest, filling the void where hope had been so briefly.

"Almost all women experience some 'implantation bleeding'. It's normal; and I bet you didn't have any of your normal period symptoms that come along with the endometriosis, did you?"

"I'm pregnant?" Olivia's voice shook, raising several pitches and catching in her throat.

"HCG levels are good, you are most definitely pregnant Olivia. Congratulations! Normally it takes several tries with artificial insemination…"

The doctor kept speaking and talking about rates of success and so forth, but Elliot and Olivia didn't hear a word she was saying.

Eyes bright, and rapidly spilling over – Olivia looked over at Elliot, his eyes also suspiciously bright as he took in what the doctor was saying.

Olivia opened her mouth to speak, still too much in shock to form a real sentence and Elliot rained kisses over her mouth and face and neck.

"You're so amazing, Liv…We're going to have a baby."

Both their gazes transferred to the flat plane of her abdomen, and Olivia ran her fingers over it gently – as if it were made of glass instead of flesh and bone.

"Olivia…" the doctor's voice filtered back through her thoughts as the older woman tried to bring her attention back to the present.

"Olivia, there are still some things we need to discuss," Dr. Bronson continued. "It's still very very early days. I don't mean to scare you but many women miscarry before the twelfth week and simply mistake it for a late period. I won't lie, there is still a chance this pregnancy might not be viable. Your hormone levels are good, but in any pregnancy the heartbeat can't be detected until at least the eighth week."

"So how do we make sure it sticks?" Elliot interjected.

"With Olivia's medical history, the rates for miscarriage and complications throughout the pregnancy for both mother and baby are considerably higher. But at this point all you can do is make sure you get lots of rest, eat well & not to anything too physically strenuous."

The doctor turned to Olivia now; "Have you found someone to stay with yet?"

Olivia winced slightly, and darted a look at Elliot. The doctor noticed and fixed a stern look on her. "Olivia as capable a woman as you may be I already told you I'm not comfortable with you living alone for the remainder of this pregnancy."

"She won't be alone." Elliot supplied, his chin set at that stubborn angle Olivia knew so well. The one that meant he planned on getting his way come hell or high water.

"Then I'll see you in two weeks. You have my home number as well, Olivia. Call me anytime if you have any questions or concerns. I'll fax over the prescription for your next round of prenatal vitamins to the pharmacy now."

Dr. Bronson left and Olivia and Elliot were alone in the exam room.

"Why didn't you tell me, Liv? You knew I wouldn't refuse, hell even if the doctor had said it wasn't necessary I would still be staying with you during this pregnancy."

"But that's exactly it, Elliot…I have been on my own for so long. Nobody, and I mean nobody has ever 'looked after me' the way you do, and plan to do. And I love you but you have a tendency to steamroller over anyone to dares get in your path. I don't want you to bulldoze me as well," she admitted, her voice calm but for a faint tremor that no one other than Elliot would have been able to detect.

"And you're concerned that I'm going to try and control you," Elliot finished, looking serious.

"But tell me one thing, Liv…When have I ever succeeded in getting you to do what I want?"

Olivia grinned cheekily as she climbed down from the exam table with Elliot's help. As soon as her feet were on the ground he pulled her to him lightly by the waist.

"We're going to have a baby," he repeated, the same stupid wonderful smile spreading over his face.

"Mmm, I know. I guess it wasn't the hormones that were making me feel lousy after all."

"How lousy? I can call back the doctor -" Elliot turned towards the door but Olivia stopped him with a light hand on his arm, smiling as brightly as he'd seen in a long time.

"I've never been so thrilled to feel lousy in my entire life, El."

**Tricked ya! Yay, a baby! But we all know things don't end here. Ohhh-hoho no! We have many chapters before us...which I have still yet to write. So review! Xo**


	7. Chapter 7: For Now

Hey everybody! Sorry for the delay in update - I have some sort of severe mutation of a virus that is killing me! Not literally, it just feels that way. Had to go to emerg. yesterday to get a CAT scan and rule out a tumor, which there isn't! At least my parents now have proof that I really do have a brain!

Enough ranting, I can't wait for SVU tonight! Did you all hear the rumours of Olivia's sex scene thats coming up in the show? EXCITED! Love Harry Connick Jr.

/watch?v=_e-rXfkx27E&feature=g-u&context=G2213d60FUAAAAHgAEAA - Clip

/watch?v=tKhUM4pHewg - Dirty Harry & Hellabodacious Hargitay ;)

So comment! Hopefully I'll be back and better than ever soon but until then, comment on what I do have for you!

"Oh God, I've never felt so lousy in my life!" Olivia groaned two weeks later as she came in the door from work, flopping down on the couch. "When do the books say this goes away?"

Elliot smiled down at her ruefully, handing her a mug of tea which she accepted grouchily.

"Morning sickness usually stops around the 3 month mark, so 12 weeks. It's also when the greatest risk for miscarriage ends."

"So 6 weeks until I can finally breathe easy." Olivia mused.

"Until the baby hits a growth spurt and starts to compress your lungs and other vital inner organs," Elliot supplied unhelpfully, grinning widely as he plopped down on the couch beside her.

Olivia sighed, leaning her head back against the couch and contemplating her navel thoughtfully. "Dr. Bronson also mentioned there'd be an increased risk for complications as well as growth because of the condition of my uterus and all the scarring."

She laid a protective hand over her abdomen, rubbing gently in one place.

"I'm not showing yet, but I can feel this firm little bulge if I press down a little. God, it's so weird to imagine a little person growing in there."

Elliot and Olivia had talked about being 'together', but nothing had happened to cement that yet. Not that either of them didn't want it to; but between their jobs and caution over the pregnancy the tension had just grown until it begged for release.

Elliot sat down beside her, "can I feel?"

Olivia looked surprised for a moment, then slid her hand upwards so Elliot could feel the next to negligible existence of their baby.

She laughed at how feather light his touch was; "You can press a little harder, El. I'm not going to break, I promise."

Placing her hand over his, she pressed down a little; watching Elliot as his face lit up with a wondering kind of smile as he felt the proof for himself that his baby was growing inside the woman he loved, even if she didn't know it yet.

He pulled back his hand slightly, still smiling. But Olivia kept her hold on his hand, sliding it upwards over her sweater tentatively, trying to show him what she wanted, what she needed.

Instantly, Elliot felt himself grow hard; but the last thing he wanted to do was push her.

"Elliot…"

His eyes were glued to the perfect moist bow of her lips as she breathed his name, holding his hand over her breast.

Unable to hold back any longer, Elliot started to move his fingers in a gentle massage as he leaned over to take her mouth with his.

Olivia moaned into the kiss, arching her back so that his palm cupped her fully. His other hand moved her hair out of her face, softly brushing her cheek with a fingertip as he did so, causing goosebumps to break out over her body so she shivered with the delicious sensation.

She gasped as Elliot deftly unbuttoned her shirt, the cool air tightening her nipples deliciously.

He drew back instantly, "Liv – are you okay?" His eyes searched hers for signs of pain but found none, and she shook her head – still breathless with the desire coursing through her body.

"No, no I'm fine; don't stop. They – they're just more sensitive now be-because of the…" her words died in a moan as Elliot bent his head to press his lips to the topmost curve of each glorious, newly sensitive, creamy globe.

Hungrily, she held his head to her as he flicked his tongue out to taste each rosy peak. Already, within seconds, she was wet and aching for him. It usually took at least some significant amount of foreplay for her to be able to reach her full potential, but with Elliot…all he had to do was look at her and she felt as if she were going up in flames.

And she didn't think it was just the increased blood flow and hormones from the pregnancy that were making her feel this way.

"Olivia, are you sure about this?" Elliot's breath tickled her ear and she writhed beneath him even more vigorously.

"Yes, yes I want you Elliot."

He chuckled slightly, "I want you too, Olivia – more than you know. But I meant if we physically, can do this."

Olivia was too aroused to feel embarrassed at her blatant need for him.

Her lips curved up in a seductive smile as she deftly undid his belt buckle and slid his jeans off. "Did you wanna hear a secret?" she whispered, nipping his ear lightly with her teeth as she did.

"I called Dr. Bronson the day you moved in here, and got the okay."

That was it. Elliot scooped her up in his arms, his mouth never leaving hers as he carried her through the hallway to her bedroom.

He laid her down on the bed, spreading her out in front of him and removing what was left of her clothes.

He hooked a finger through the sheer lace of her panties and her hips bucked as she felt him so close to where she wanted, where she needed him to be.

"El…Elliot, please just be in me."

And he obliged, but only after he'd made her come twice did he find his own pleasure in her.

Afterwards, Olivia stretched out languorously – a satisfied smile curving her lips as Elliot's mouth covered hers again as she lay in his arms.

"I think this has been my favourite cure for morning sickness yet," she teased, still entwined in his arms.

Elliot reached out his hand and placed it over her tummy, moving it back and forth in a tender caress.

Olivia had sat up slightly against the pillows and watched as Elliot rubbed the place where deep down, their baby was growing.

"My abs are starting to disappear," she mused thoughtfully. "Any waistline I had is being filled out more every day – I actually popped a button off my pants at work today when I sat down."

"It's only slightly noticeable when you're not wearing clothes," he assured her, biting back a smile. "And no one else at work had better be seeing you without your clothes on," he teased back.

...

...

At 8 weeks pregnant, that little bulge under her navel that Olivia could feel if she pressed down had swollen into the beginnings of a baby bump.

Olivia smiled to herself in the shower as she rinsed the soapy lather off her body, her hand sliding down her torso until her hand was splayed slightly over the tiny bulge in her belly.

She knew to the rest of the world it probably looked like she'd just gained a couple pounds of middle age spread. Only herself, Elliot and the doctor knew what precious secret she harbored in her womb.

She didn't plan on telling anyone else about the pregnancy until she was the suggested 12 weeks along for fear of a miscarriage.

She frowned as she wrapped a towel around herself. The excited flip flop of her emotions thinking about the baby turned to an unpleasant churning sensation and a cold sweat broke out on the back of her neck and her upper lip.

Her stomach convulsed again and Olivia sunk to her knees awkwardly in front of the toilet just in time to be violently, wretchedly ill; heaving miserably until she thought there couldn't possibly be anything else to bring up.

Walking back into the bedroom, Elliot heard the sound of her retching and forced the bathroom door open without a moment's hesitation.

"Go away." Olivia managed to croak out between heaves. Not wanting the horrible dizziness to return, she kept her eyes squeezed shut, praying the room would stop spinning.

But after a moments pause, another more pleasant sensation reached through to her fevered mind as she felt a cool, damp, roughness sweep lightly over her forehead and cheeks before being held to the back of her neck as Elliot rubbed her back soothingly.

Olivia opened her eyes to see Elliot kneeling next to her, gently pushing back the damp strands of hair that clung to her face. As she doubled over the ceramic bowl again to be sick, Elliot held her hair back, his other hand gently holding her at the waist to steady her.

"I thought I told you to go away," she joked weakly as Elliot helped her up from the floor, barely restraining the overwhelming urge to carry her.

"Never claimed I was good at following orders…Besides, I'm in this for the long haul Liv, every single second of it."

Cupping her face in his hand, his thumb brushed across the dark circles under her eyes. "Why don't you stay home today, Liv – the morning sickness is just getting worse. I'm off today anyway, I'll stay with you."

Avoiding the real subject, Olivia looked up at him questioningly. "You got a job? Where?"

He shrugged casually, "I knew a guy who could use me for contract work."

He stopped as Olivia's eyes widened, "not the mercenary/hit man type contract work," he assured her smilingly.

Olivia got to her feet again and headed towards her closet. "I'll be fine, Elliot. I'll mostly be doing paperwork today anyway; we just cleared some cases yesterday so there's nothing super urgent."

She touched his face lightly, fingers rasping lightly across the morning shadow that told her he hadn't shaved yet. The other hand she used to cradle the bit of a belly she'd developed.

"We'll be fine."

Eyes still dark with worry; Elliot took her hand from his face and moved it to his lips, kissing her palm before leaving her to get dressed.

"I'll at least drive you," Elliot's tone brooked no argument when she came out of the bedroom, having been sick one more time – and Olivia was too damn tired for fight.

Truth be told in the last week or so she'd been having to pull over at least once a commute to be ill. It was sheer dumb luck that she had so far been able to keep from losing it during interrogations.

On the ride over, Olivia lay her head back against the headrest. And damn if it didn't feel a little too good to let Elliot take control. She'd never been 'taken care of' in her life, it was always vice versa.

Whether it was pulling the vodka bottles from her mother's unconscious hand and carrying her to bed or taking overtime to cover someone else's shift. It had never been her turn.

But then again, she had to remind herself that a lot of this wasn't for her. It was for her baby – as it should be. This baby was Olivia's life now.

But as she rested her eyes on the journey to work, she had no clue that that life would be threatened, in more ways than one.

I know, I know I'm horrible! But apparently cliffhangers work when pleading for reviews! Lol

Here are the links again!Add youtube to the .com part & copy and paste if it starts acting weird :)

/watch?v=_e-rXfkx27E&feature=g-u&context=G2213d60FUAAAAHgAEAA Clip

/watch?v=tKhUM4pHewg Dirty Harry & Hellabodacious Hargitay ;)


	8. Chapter 8: Warning

**Hey everybody! Here's the update, read - review and PLEASE let me know what you think as always :) Reviews are motivation - let's see if I can double task while watching the Golden Globes tonight :)**

Walking into the squad room, Olivia was immediately accosted by Amaro's lox and cream cheese bagel as she passed his desk – the smell of which turned her stomach instantly, forcing her to breathe out of her mouth.

"Olivia, you okay?" Amaro eyed her suspiciously from across the desk. Rollin's was behind him and her gaze was directed at Olivia's belly which she'd placed a hand across; a habit that was instinctive now.

Olivia forced a weak smile, "Some friends dragged me out to a party last night…I'm paying for all the Cabernet now."

Bending her head over her desk to start on the mountains of paperwork on either side, Olivia hoped that her lie had gone over easier than she suspected. Friends, that was a laugh. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd been out on an un work-related get together or celebration.

An hour later she had one set of case forms completed and she leaned back. It was only then she noticed the red marks that her dress pants had dug into her skin.

She'd taken to wearing longer tunics and sweaters since she'd found out she was pregnant, so as she surreptitiously unbuttoned her slacks the rest of the way she hoped her shirt would be long enough to cover the damning evidence.

Yes, she was thrilled that her belly was starting to show, hence her new habit of rubbing the small swell unconsciously. But at the same time, she was no way near ready to tell Cragen and the rest of the SVU squad about her impending motherhood…and Elliot's impending fatherhood.

The nauseous twinges she'd put down as her reaction to Amaro's breakfast hadn't gone away with it, actually they were now feeling more like tiny cramps, like with a pulled muscle.

As her mind skirted around the thought lazily, Olivia froze at one word her mind had dredged up. Realizing that she was cramping…and pregnant.

Terrified now, she tried taking in slow deep breaths, and trying to send soothing messages to her baby to stay in there, and that everything was okay.

Olivia felt her stomach grow hard beneath her hands with the next cramp. Taking one hand away from the uncomfortably tight, hard wall of muscle Olivia reached for her cell.

Turning her head so she couldn't be heard, she waited for Elliot to pick up the phone on the other end – wondering if the ringing had ever been this slow.

"Miss me already?" Elliot's voice teased as he came on the phone, and Olivia's throat tightened.

"I need you to come pick me up, El. Something's not right…I, I'm cramping," her voice broke slightly at the end and she realized her hand was shaking she was gripping her phone so tight.

"I'm leaving right now Liv, don't move." Before the line was cut off Olivia could hear the roar of an engine starting in the background signifying that Elliot was on his way.

She couldn't even imagine what the squad would think, seeing Elliot after a year of hearing nothing and him bursting in now unannounced.

But she didn't know what else to do… the tiny life she carried trumped anything else.

She sat there, frozen with fear. Both palms pressed to her stomach as if she could hold the baby in by sheer will and determination.

"Liv," a masculine hand came down on her shoulder as Munch crouched down beside her. "Are you okay? You're not looking so good."

Breathless, Olivia just shook her head from side to side in a small motion. "I'm fine…oh God." Olivia started to assure them just as another pain came. She doubled over slightly in her chair, clenching her teeth to keep from crying out.

"John – babygirl what's the matter?" Originally looking for Munch, Fin had come over to her other side and was leaning over her protectively.

Although she was sitting, a wave of dizziness washed over her and she grabbed John's hand for support.

Rollin's and Amaro were coming over now too; it felt like she couldn't breathe when all of a sudden she heard Elliot's voice break through the haze.

She focused on his face, unable to speak she pleaded with her eyes to help her.

The shock of seeing Elliot back in the squad room after a year of silence had shocked everyone into a silence of their own as Elliot kneeled in front of her.

"Think you can walk or do you want me to carry you?"

Olivia shook her head, "I don't want to cause a bigger scene."

Elliot helped her up from the chair, grabbing her coat as he did and draping it over her shoulders.

The minute her knees had locked into a standing position they weakened again, Elliot having to support most of her weight as they walked out so she wouldn't fall.

"This is ridiculous," he muttered looking at how pale she'd gotten, and as soon as they were out of sight and in the elevator, Elliot scooped her up gently into his arms.

"Please Elliot," she whispered hoarsely "just get me to the hospital. I can't lose this baby."

"You're not going to, Liv." Elliot tried to reassure her, knowing that her being hysterical wouldn't help matters. But it wounded him to speak that phrase without knowing yet whether it was true or not.

It was a good thing Elliot still had the spare siren attached to his car, because he'd broken just about every speed limit as he raced to Mercy Hospital.

Once they were there, he didn't even waste time to find a wheelchair – he just lifted Olivia into his arms again as she wrapped her arms around herself.

Several EMT's came out with a stretcher and Elliot laid her down softly, trying not to jostle her.

Her lips were tightened in a grim grey line as tears ran helplessly down her face as she took in fast jerky breaths.

Elliot ran alongside as they wheeled her down the hallway for tests.

"46 years old, first pregnancy, considered high risk, diagnosis of endometriosis, started feeling cramps a half hour ago at her desk. She's a special victims unit detective…"he called out as one of the male nurses stopped him from entering the OR doors.

Not that it made any difference, medicine and the body didn't care about rank or how important that person might be to someone.

If he still had his shield he would have demanded to go back with her as 'official police business' now that he wasn't on the squad.

The third time the instant coffee cup was crushed accidentally in his fist he got up and paced the halls between the waiting room and OR, too upset to think of why no one was stopping him.

What he didn't realize was how tortured his expression was to anyone who looked at him; how mad with fear and worry and how on edge he looked as he was waiting for something, anything about Olivia.

Finally a doctor he recognized from bringing out the stretcher came out of the swinging doors.

"Olivia Benson?" the older man called out, taking off his glasses and slipping them in the pocket of his doctor's coat.

"Yes, here. Tell me what's happened, is she all right? Did the baby-" his words came out jumbled and rushed as he took the man by the shoulders.

Eyeing Elliot's hands squeezing his shoulders, the doctor looked down skeptically at them until Elliot released them.

"Sorry, I didn't…"

"It's alright, I understand. Ms. Benson is in stable condition, her OB-GYN will be with you in a minute to explain more. Dr. Bronson happened to be on call today."

Olivia's doctor then stepped out of the doors and Elliot wasted no time in getting over to her.

"Elliot, Elliot it's all right, she's all right. She didn't lose the baby." Dr. Bronson assured him, knowing what he needed to hear first.

"Wha-? Then why…"

The doctor continued on calmly but seriously. "The pains Olivia was feeling were the result of several factors. Now that she's 8 weeks along, the baby has filled up the original size of her uterus, causing it to stretch – like it should. However, the scarring from the endometriosis combined with successive on-the-job trauma to the abdomen and torso has made the muscles slightly more rigid, and making the tissue harder to stretch as it grows with the baby." Dr. Bronson explained, leading him over to a corner where they could talk more privately.

"That part of it isn't what's worrisome though. Olivia's stress levels…I'm assuming they're always very high?"

Elliot nodded, "Yeah, goes with the job. So she shouldn't be working for the rest of her pregnancy?" he asked almost hopefully.

He felt guilty enough that he wasn't there today when the cramps first started. He'd seen the look in her eyes when he'd come through the squad room doors; she'd been terrified.

The doctor smiled ruefully, "You and I both know how well that would go over. No, but the slight rise in blood pressure that's associated with stress seems to kick-start false contractions known as Braxton Hicks. Normally we don't see women experience them until closer to the 16th or even 20th week. My concern is that her stress is going to cause her to go into pre-term labour, not now necessarily; even if she makes it to 28 weeks, the cut-off for live delivery."

Elliot nodded again, his heart still beating a million miles a minute like it would until he saw for himself that Olivia and their baby were alive and well.

"Speak with her boss, have her take breaks every few hours – even catch a nap if she's able to for half an hour at lunch; and no overtime or running down perps, understand me? Good."

Dr. Bronson smiled, "We can release her in a couple hours after observation. We've also given her some medication to relax the muscles and keep them from contracting so she might not be awake or completely lucid yet; she's in room 266!" she called out as Elliot all but ran down the hallway, looking for Olivia's room.

**I originally didn't plan for the chapter to end here, but by the time I reached another place to end that actually made sense it was over 3000 words. Oh well - but next chapter there is something that NONE of you saw coming! I think...REVIEW!**


	9. Chapter 9: A Good Surprise

_** Y'all ready for some serious fluff? ;)**_

**See what happens when you comment? My magical writing muses get excited and spill too much fairy dust on my keyboard...which means you get an update! **

**So keep commenting and reviewing, I appreciate every single one :) **

He pushed the door open slightly, not wanting to wake her if she was asleep.

Her hair was spread haphazardly over the pillow, her tearstained face still so fearfully pale. She stirred; her eyebrows crinkling as if in distress and then smoothing out again after a moment.

Carefully so as not to make any noise, Elliot pulled the two-seater sofa over to the bedside and sat down on it so that he was right next to her.

When he picked up her hand it was freezing so he shrugged out of his jacket and covered her with it, careful not to disturb any of the monitors.

Olivia turned her head back to him, blinking slowly as she came too.

"Elliot?" her voice was hoarse and scratchy from sleep and crying.

"I'm here Liv, I'm right here."

Her eyes closed again as if in pain. Elliot was about to ask if he needed to call for more medication when she opened them again, her gaze more tortured than ever.

"I lost the baby," she choked out before the tears started again – running silently down her cheeks until they soaked her hair. "I lost our baby, Elliot. I'm so sorry, oh God I'm so sorry."

This time she couldn't help the sobs that tore from the back of her throat, taking what was left of her soul with it.

Elliot stood, leaning over her before sitting down on the side of the bed and stroking the side of her face to calm her down.

"Liv, Olivia. The baby's okay, it's okay – you didn't miscarry." He assured her as quickly as possible.

He drew back her hospital gown, his palm resting gently underneath her navel where there was still the tiniest firm bulge that still held a spark of life.

Eyes still filled with panic, Olivia's hand flew to her stomach as well before noticing for the first time the monitors on either side of her that showed both her and the baby's heartbeat.

This time the tears that ran down her cheeks were of relief and happiness that that little life had hung on.

Elliot manoeuvred the bed into a semi reclining position with Olivia in his arms and her head resting on his chest.

After a moment she lifted her head again, "What happened?"

Elliot recounted what the doctor had told him, all the while his hand still on her tummy as his thumb brushed the side of her waist soothingly.

"Do you feel anything now?" he asked, resting his chin on top of her head as she curled into his chest further.

"I just feel it tightening a little bit every so often".

Elliot nodded, "Mmhm, I can feel it from the outside," Elliot agreed with her.

She spoke more softly now, "Even before today El…I've just been feeling like I'm going to lose this baby. Everything we've gone through to get her, I…" her voice broke off quietly.

"If I lose this baby, you don't have to stay Elliot. I'm not going to hold you back."

"Olivia Benson if I hear one more word about me leaving you, baby or no baby I'm upping the sedative you're on so you can neither speak nor think about it. Understand?"

His voice, which had been teasing at first, turned serious and he tipped her chin up so that she met his eyes.

"Olivia, I don't need to have a baby with you to make me happy, or love you more. Yes, a baby would be a wonderful blessing and a miracle. But what will still be a miracle even if there isn't a baby is the fact that you love me. Zero babies or 10, I will still be thanking my lucky stars that I'm with you."

"You love me? Like that?" Chocolate brown eyes looked into his with a mixture of apprehension and hope that spoke through to his soul.

"I love you in every single way possible. I love that you randomly go off coffee and try and make me drink tea with flowers in it along with you. I love that you mutter to yourself without realizing it. I love that you don't agree with me all the time and aren't afraid to kick my butt when I need it. And I love the way your eyes light up when I walk through the door, or the way that one of your hands now is almost always rubbing your belly; every single, stubborn, infuriating, beautiful bit. And if you love me even a fraction of how much I love you I will happily spend the rest of my life with you."

"I love you, Elliot, so so much. I shouldn't be able to trust you like this after what you did…but I understand why you did what you thought you had to do, and I do trust you; which scares the hell out of me & makes me feel safe all at the same time and I don't like not knowing what I'm feeling".

He sighed, smiling slightly. "Your doctor said no stress, and we start the heaviest conversation in history. But I have one more weight I'd like to add to you."

"You mean my bloated stomach isn't enough?" she teased back, turning very gingerly more onto her back and placing a hand on her abdomen.

His hand moved across her shoulder and down towards her belly, and she thought he was going to cover her hand with his.

But instead it stayed slightly closed in a fist. "I didn't plan it this way you know."

At first Olivia was confused by his statement, but then he opened his palm to reveal a stunning square cut diamond engagement ring that could not have been any less than a full carat stone.

"Olivia Benson, Liv…For all the reasons above and a million more. Will you-" he broke off as Olivia started nodding, her hands having flown to her face with surprise now shakily wiped away tears.

He chuckled then continued, finding his own throat was tight. "I love you more than I thought it was possible to love someone, Olivia. You're my best friend and the woman I want to be with for the rest of my life, tea with flowers in it and all. Will you marry me & do me the incredible honor of becoming my wife?"

Olivia lowered one trembling one so Elliot could slide the ring on her finger; and despite their awkward position with Olivia leaning against his chest and monitors inhibiting any movement she managed to turn around and press her mouth fiercely to his, as if all the words and feeling she couldn't express were being transferred through their skin and minds.

"I would gladly live in sin with you the rest of my life," he smiled down at her. "But I don't want to take the chance of anyone ever taking you away from me."

"You've turned this into the best day ever," Olivia looked up at him, a soft smile on her lips.

"Hmm, well could your idea of fun maybe not be an emergency trip to the hospital next time?" he teased back.

Olivia shot him a look as she let him take her back into his arms, allowing herself to rest her head on his shoulder, because she was so tired – so so tired."

Elliot couldn't believe it for a moment until her breathing turned heavy, and he felt the full weight of her body slump into his as she fell asleep in a matter of seconds.

And uncomfortable and squished as he was, with the metal rail of the bed pressing into his side he would not have traded positions with anyone else in the world.

Nope, he was perfectly content to sit with Olivia cradled in his arms, and their baby still safely cradled in her womb.

**Lemme know what you think! And of course the story can't end here...I can't write an EO story without tons of drama so there's a good 15000 more words I plan on getting into this. Review!**


	10. Chapter 10: Breathe Easy

**I have two huge essays due in the next week, so leave me some love & motivate me keep writing even when I think I'm sick of it! xoxo**

Elliot loved waking up every morning with Olivia in his arms, nestled in tightly against his chest eyes closed and cheeks flush with sleep.

It had been almost a month since the scare at the hospital, and so far Olivia had managed to avoid any severe episodes of cramping. Every time she got upset or stressed she'd try and step back and breathe.

Despite many arguments, Olivia insisted she didn't want to tell anyone in SVU about the baby until after their 12 week appointment, which was scheduled later that morning.

And Elliot found he could refuse her nothing when she looked up at him with those liquid brown eyes, lips slightly pursed and open as she waited for his response.

Damn minx, he thought to himself ruefully still watching her sleep. She knew it too, and used it fairly often. It seemed as though he soon wouldn't be the only Stabler who liked getting his own way.

Although she had told him earlier this week that Munch and Fin and Cragen knew something was up because she'd been taking the backseat in some of the more physical aspects of work.

She knew Amaro knew, he'd gone through the whole 'having a pregnant wife' thing so he recognized her new behaviours for what they were, luckily he hadn't said a word.

With a laugh, Olivia had admitted that she thought it was because he was scared of her.

But now with her belly growing bigger every day, the flowy tops she'd been wearing since she'd found out she was pregnant were starting to become not so flowy – and pull a little if she leaned a certain way – outlining her not so little secret in a very obvious way.

He hated to wake her, but it was encroaching on 8:30 am and their appointment was in midtown at 10 o'clock. He knew that once she woke up, the pretty sleep filled flush that painted her cheeks rosy would turn grey as the inevitable bout of morning sickness hit.

He pressed his lips to her forehead, smoothing the hair back from her face that had gotten mussed in the night.

She stirred, her eyes opening and closing sleepily as she blinked awake. Smiling softly, she arched in a light stretch "Good morning."

But then, as predicted, she shifted slightly and her mouth pulled down at the corners and she closed her eyes again, breathing only through her mouth.

Elliot turned back to the nightstand at the side of the bed and fumbled around in the drawer for a few seconds until he pulled out the sleeve of saltine crackers they'd decided to put in there since her 9th week when the morning sickness had really hit.

He handed her a cracker and she smiled weakly, though it looked like more of a grimace as she considered putting it in her mouth.

"Come on, Liv you know it'll help," he coaxed her as she gingerly nibbled the edge.

Still taking tiny bites, Olivia burrowed further down under the covers pressing herself to Elliot's warmth as his shoulder pillowed her head.

After a couple more minutes snuggled against the breadth of Elliot's chest as he rubbed her back in slow soothing circles she began to feel a little better…at least enough to open her mouth to speak without fear of spontaneously ejecting the contents of her stomach.

"Thanks," she sighed, edging out from beneath the comforter.

As she walked over to the master bathroom, Elliot stealthily slipped from the covers as well; coming up behind her and catching her lightly by the shoulders turning her around to face him.

He fingered the hem of the long t-shirt she'd worn to bed, easing it up over her hips as he kissed her.

Despite her nausea only seconds earlier, Olivia leaned into the kiss – never able to resist when Elliot was around.

His breath warmed her neck and chased away the goose bumps that had risen as his fingers had skimmed her body as he edged up the shirt.

"Why do you wear this?" he breathed, cupping her face in his. "You are so beautiful, Olivia."

She smiled, her mouth quirking up at one side in a wry grin. "At the moment, I'm a bloated swollen mess who looks more fat than pregnant."

Elliot shook his head, easing the fabric out of Olivia's grip as she tried to hold it down. "Nuh-uh, you; Olivia Benson soon to be Stabler, are stunning."

He held a finger to her lips to keep her from retorting back with a joke about being 'stunningly large."

Finally, she allowed him to undress her completely and she stood, bared before him – her arms and hands covering her breasts as she shifted uneasily from one foot to the other.

"No fair," Elliot teased. "You need to learn to share."

His hands replaced hers and started a gentle kneading motion that awakened every newly sensitized nerve ending she had. And wow, were they ever sensitive.

Her breasts had already swollen almost one cup size, making her a very tight C cup or a too loose D.

They'd just begun to start becoming sore at her tenth week, but now they ached with a tender heaviness that begged for Elliot's hands.

But then his hands moved down her body as he slipped to a crouching position. His hands cradling the weight of the baby who was making its presence known in what Elliot thought was the most adorable little potbelly.

When he stood up to meet Olivia's eyes again, they burned with new desire.

He teased her, waiting, "We're going to be late for the doctor's appointment."

A disappointed moan slipped from Olivia's mouth as his hands moved away, changing to a gasp of renewed desire as he swept her up into his arms and into the tight space of the shower.

"Which is why," he finished laughingly, "we should multi-task."

As the water ran, steaming and hot over their bodies they took turns soaping each other in the midst of their coupling. As Olivia climaxed for the second time, her legs wrapped around his waist he kissed the drops of water from her bared neck as her head arched back with ecstasy.

Then while she was still recovering from the earth shattering orgasm, he continued to soap the new, full curves of her body. Filling his hands with them as if they were an offering to some ancient god before making love to her with his mouth, prompting her to do the same.

When they were done, Elliot had dressed and gone into the kitchen to grab some coffee. Knowing Olivia couldn't eat until after the doctor's he'd decided to skip it too, not that she knew of course.

She came out, looking relaxed and smiling as she twined her arms around his neck, greeting him with another kiss.

"Yep," she nodded her head, grinning wickedly. "Definitely still my favourite cure for morning sickness."

"Did I ever mention I don't particularly like needles?" Olivia griped as she pulled down her sleeve, sitting in the examination room at the doctor's an hour and a half later; shooting a murderous glance at the nurse who'd just drawn blood from her arm as she left the room.

"Oh, just once or twice." He teased lightly as she lay down in the chair; her hands, as always, clasped over her stomach in an unconscious protective gesture.

"Elliot, this baby has to be okay," she whispered after a moment, fear catching in her throat.

"There's been nothing more to indicate there's something wrong…every time you've felt the onset of cramping or any tightness you've managed to get away or find a way around the situation or stress".

Despite her growing size, Elliot's hand still covered the place where they baby lay and then some. "And we can certainly see that he or she is getting bigger every day." He brushed his knuckles gently over the rounding swell – the motion seeming to soothe Olivia momentarily.

But before she had a chance for any other fears to come to light, Dr. Bronson came in – closing the door absentmindedly as she flipped through several sheets on Olivia's chart.

"So how are you feeling these days, Olivia? Morning sickness easing up now that you're heading out of the first trimester?"

"Anything but," Olivia answered back drily.

"Mm, you might be one of the lucky ones who experiences it throughout the entire pregnancy then." Dr. Bronson replied sympathetically as she lifted Olivia's shirt and pressing on different parts of her belly.

As she rolled the stool towards the computer to set up for the ultrasound she continued to ask Olivia questions.

"Have you been taking it easier at work lately? I don't know what provisions the NYPD has for pregnant cops."

"I'll be on desk duty the last trimester," Olivia replied, making a face at the thought.

Dr. Bronson pursed her lips disapprovingly but didn't say anything as the computer finished warming up and she grabbed the ultrasound wand, pulling down the waistband of Olivia's slacks so the total curve of her stomach was exposed.

The image hadn't focused yet but they could clearly hear the fast pitter patter of their baby's heartbeat as the doctor moved the Doppler around Olivia's gel covered tummy.

Olivia bit her lip, squeezing Elliot's hand as the image cleared and the tiny perfect profile of the baby could be seen through the grainy grey swirls.

A mixture between a sob and a laugh escaped Olivia's lips and tears ran unashamedly down her face.

Elliot leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, his own eyes rapidly welling.

"Did you want to find out the sex today?" Dr. Bronson looked over at them, smiling to herself as she saw their attention was completely captured by the tiny scrap of precious humanity rolling around on the screen.

"You mean you know?" Olivia turned to look at her doctor questioningly. "I thought you couldn't tell until closer to 20 weeks."

"Normally you can't, not by ultrasound; but your amniocentesis results tell me 100% the gender of your baby, and before you ask – yes, everything looks fine from the test."

"Which means I can tell you that if all goes well: in a little over 6 months you're going to give birth to a healthy baby girl."

Too overwhelmed to speak, Elliot just kissed Olivia to let her know how ecstatic he was at the news.

"That's our baby, Liv," he whispered hoarsely as Dr. Bronson left the room. "That's our daughter."

"I know." Still laughing through her tears, Olivia brought his face down to hers again so that their foreheads touched.

She wiped the ultrasound gel off her belly and adjusted her clothes. Clothes that she seriously needed to replace now that even the elastic waistbands of her yoga pants were being stretched to their limits by their daughter making her presence known.

"So you're okay with the fact that it's not a boy?"

"Are you kidding me Liv? I could not be happier." He lifted her off the table, setting her on her feet and then pulling her close to him with one hand and cupping her bump with the other.

Running his fingers through her shoulder length hair he brought her face up towards his before he kissed her again. "All I want is for my two best girls to be happy and healthy."

**Awww, sweet. Hope nothing and no-one happens to challenge that happiness. Oops...did I just give away part of the plot? REVIEW!**


	11. Chapter 11:Threat

**This is a short chapter, I know. But I wanted to put something up in honor of Mariska Magdolna Hargitay's 48th birthday today! 48 years of making the world a more beautiful place. My inspiration and my idol.**

Elliot reached over for Olivia's hand as he drove her back to the 1-6, his thumb rubbing over where her engagement ring would normally be. But as it was, the squad still didn't know either pieces of Olivia's news; which was why they were both on their way to tell everyone.

Unclasping her necklace as they pulled up to the precinct, Olivia slid off her engagement ring from where she'd been keeping it on the same chain as Elliot's medal and slipped it on her finger.

Elliot's hand warm and steady at the small of her back, Olivia couldn't hold back her smile or the butterflies swarming in her stomach as they took the elevator up to the squadroom like they'd done so many times before. Only this time, it was different, but different in the best way possible.

The sight of Elliot back at SVU got everyone's attention, but even more curious was the fact that he and Olivia were holding hands and grinning like idiots.

"Guys" Olivia started as Munch, Fin, Rollins, Amaro and Cragen all gathered in Cragen's office, helpless to stop the wide beaming smile that seemed to have taken up permanent residence on her face since they found out the baby was growing and healthy.

"We have some news." She took a deep breath and glanced up at Elliot who took over.

"Olivia has by some miracle or moment of insanity agreed to marry me." He lifted her left hand, curling it into a fist and pressing his lips to the sparkling ring adorning the finger next to her pinky.

Expecting a flurry of questions and congratulations, both Elliot and Olivia were surprised to hear the grim silence of the room.

Elliot squeezed her hand reassuringly, "I know I've acted like a jackass. In my defense, although it isn't a good one, I truly thought I was doing what was best for Olivia. And God help me, I will do everything in my power to make sure she never hurts again."

"We're happy for you," Cragen spoke up first. "But there's something you need to see, and I'm sorry that you have to."

"Captain, what's going on?" Elliot asked, still using the title he had when he'd been under Cragen's direction as a detective.

Making sure the blinds were well and closed, Cragen started to speak, sighing heavily and seeming to age in front of them as he did.

"This morning, when you were gone Olivia; a package arrived downstairs." Cragen nodded to Munch who turned the monitor towards the group.

"These are just the photos we took, the originals are with TARU."

An array of images appeared on the screen. About 20 of them, and all looked like crime scene photos. But the face of every mangled body had been crudely replaced with Olivia's.

Olivia felt her mouth go dry; she took a step backwards unconsciously and bumped into Elliot's chest. She felt his hands on her shoulders pushing her gently down into a seat.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath so that her blood pressure wouldn't rise, Olivia opened them again and faced the group.

"We don't know who or where the threat is coming from, that's what TARU is working on right now."

Olivia looked up at Elliot panicked before her gaze flicked back to her friends and colleagues. "Oh God…there's something else we have to tell you."

She raised her hand and pressed it to where her shirt flared out under her breasts. As Amaro caught her gaze she used her other hand to pull the fabric back against the small swell of her belly. "I'm pregnant."

Every pair of eyes in the room was fixed on Olivia's hands as they cradled her bump protectively.

"That's a complication I didn't see coming," Cragen looked at the woman he'd come to think of as his own daughter with fear in his eyes for her safety.

"And it's not the only complication." Elliot added, "There are already concerns about the pregnancy. Liv is considered pretty high risk. I guess you've gathered by now that it wasn't just a bad flu I rushed Liv out of here with a month ago".

But a foolishly large grin split Munch's normally skeptical face and he crossed the room and hugged Olivia. "My God Liv, you're going to have a baby!" He seemed shell-shocked.

Munch's reaction spurred the rest of the team into action as well and they crowded Olivia with congratulations and hugs, although Amaro and Rollins hung back a little shyly.

When they finally broke away, Olivia was smiling again. "Thanks guys, but it's still early days yet. I'm just barely 3 months. But we had a doctor's appointment this morning and everything looks fine." She placed a hand across her stomach again, her other hand held in a tight grip by Elliot.

"She's healthy and growing pretty much right on schedule."

"You know it's a girl?" Cragen's eyes were unusually bright as Olivia nodded, beaming.

Another round of questions and congratulations ensued until a grim silence settled over the group again as their gaze settled back on the photos.

The phone rang, the shrill tone causing everyone to very near jump out of their skin as it broke the tense silence.

Cragen answered before walking over to the fax machine beside his desk. "Got it, thanks… Keep working on it – see if there are any other links."

He hung up again and started to read the fax aloud. "Iris, Maria, Claudia, Odette, Michelle, Ingrid, Nadine, Gina, Felicia, Oksana, Rita, Yvonne, Opal and Ursula…"

By the fifth name Olivia had paled frighteningly, sinking down into a chair as her mouth opened in horror.

Walking over to the whiteboard where the pictures were displayed, he turned to face the group again. All mixed races, none with any specific connection to the other. The only thing linking them is that they're all SVU cases…"

"They're all my cases," Olivia whispered hoarsely – her gaze flicking from one picture to the next.

Cragen nodded grimly. "If you take the first letter of each of their names, it spells out 'I'm coming for you'.

**So review in honor of Mariska!**


	12. Chapter 12: Always

**Okay so an EXTRA long update to tide you guys over until I write the next chapter! There's fluff, drama, tears, shopping and of course more drama and fluff.**

** Hope you enjoy! Don't forget to use the motivate Holly button at the bottom of the screen! Oops, I mean review button! :P**

Cragen rubbed a hand across his eyes. "We know whoever this freak is wasn't the killer because the cases are closed. This is doubly worrisome - seeing as how he somehow got a hold of those files, not all of those cases were public and the crime scene photos prove he's hacked into our system or has a contact here."

"We also know he's been tailing Liv. Some of the photos he used were newspaper clippings from years ago that could have been looked up in library archives, but some of them are recent – taken using a special telephoto lens from a distance."

Olivia kept both palms pressed to her belly protectively as she listened in horror to what Cragen was saying.

"And I can't imagine he'll be more sympathetic because I'm having a baby." Olivia murmured thoughtfully.

"TARU's also coming over to sweep for any bugs in the squad room in case that's how this guy is operating, so you're going home for the rest of the day." Cragen continued.

"Captain, I…" Olivia started to protest but Cragen raised a skeptical eyebrow, giving her a look before his gaze dipped down to her stomach.

"Go home, Liv. That's a direct order." His voice was stern but his eyes softened as he took her elbow to lead her out of his office. "Get started on the wedding invitations," he added more warmly.

"Take her home, Elliot."

"Really? The overprotective macho stuff is starting already? I'm not even the only woman here anymore. Pick on Rollins!" she joked exasperatedly as John handed Elliot her jacket which he draped around her shoulders before leading her out the door.

In the many years they'd worked together, Elliot and Olivia had questioned salespeople at probably every children's' and baby store in Manhattan. So going in as expectant parents was a completely new experience, and one Olivia would cherish every moment of.

A little less than two years ago, they'd gone into an upscale baby boutique and the owner had bustled over to them cheerily, commenting what a lovely couple they were and how Olivia wasn't even showing yet.

It had broken her heart then, thinking that the two things the woman had assumed about her and Elliot were the things she wanted most, and the things she knew she could never have.

But now, as they walked into a maternity store together, Elliot's ring was on her finger and their baby was filling her belly.

And for that moment, nothing had ever felt so perfect despite the dangerous uncertainties of the future.

The store they were walking into now happened to be one they had worked with to catch a rapist who preyed on new mothers.

As they walked in the door, the manager happened to be at the front cash and came over to them. "Detectives, lovely to see you again…I hope there isn't another maniac out there hurting our mothers."

The expertly coiffed woman shuddered and wrapped a finger nervously around her necklace chain as if she were expecting a predator to jump out from behind a display of maternity jeans.

"Ah, no," Olivia answered, a nervously wry smile quirking up her lips as she shyly put a hand to her belly.

"This time, we're just here in the regular capacity," Elliot added, squeezing Olivia's free hand reassuringly.

"Oh how wonderful! Congratulations, dear!" The older woman tittered brightly as she put a hand of her own against Olivia's abdomen.

"How far along are you, Detective Benson?"

"Twelve weeks with a little girl," Olivia answered back; the recent excitement from their appointment this morning keeping her from biting the woman's head off at the intrusion of her personal space.

"Oh how darling!" the woman gushed, stepping back and clasping her hands warmly as if the news of the other woman's pregnancy was the most wonderful thing she'd ever heard. "Well be sure to let me know if there's anything at all I can help you with, detectives."

2 hours and several hundred dollars later, Olivia had bought the majority of what would be her 'pregnancy wardrobe'. She'd been so enamoured of the stretch panel jeans that she wore one of the pairs out of the store, desperately grateful to get out of the pants she'd been wearing unzipped for the last two and a half weeks that simply refused to stretch any further to accommodate her growing belly.

Which speaking of, grumbled loudly as Olivia flopped down on the couch, too tired to even think of throwing something together for dinner.

Elliot set the multitude of shopping bags down in the front entryway and leaned over the back of the couch, laying a warm hand over her stomach as he kissed the tired smile she gave him.

"What does our baby feel like for dinner?"

She smiled again, loving the feel of his strong hands so gentle against their baby: "Mmm, how 'bout macaroni and cheese, except stick an entire slab of real cheddar in there."

Elliot chuckled, grabbing an afghan from the foot of the couch and covering her with it, brushing his lips against her forehead before he moved away towards the kitchen.

Olivia smiled to herself, snuggling further under the blanket as she flipped idly through an old Glamour magazine. "Eurgh, none of the actresses nominated at the SAG's for best actress in a TV drama are really right for it…"

**(A/N: SAG's are on right now & I am STILL upset over the fact Mariska wasn't nominated this year! *grumbles under breath & takes it out passive aggressively in fanfiction*)**

Being pregnant, having their baby inside her gave Olivia a vibrancy and a light that felt as though it shone out through every pore of her body; a happiness that filled her and swelled her heart as surely as the life inside her had swollen out her belly.

And despite the exhaustion and sickness that seemed to go hand in hand with this pregnancy, Elliot thought she'd never looked so beautiful as he watched her slowly and surely growing, more and more everyday; her body ripening around the life of her baby.

The only feeling stronger than that was the fear that someone out there wanted to hurt her. If he succeeded, there would be 3 lives lost for one.

Harming Olivia meant extinguishing the tiny precious life inside her as well as herself – and if anything happened to Olivia, Elliot knew it would be the end of him. As much as he had rebelled against depending on anyone for anything, without a doubt Olivia was everything to him.

She was the one he wanted to wake up to every morning, even if it was to her doubled over the toilet, going through the pain that was necessary to bring this sweet baby into the world.

She was the one he wanted to fight with, because she was the only thing worth fighting for.

She was the one Elliot wanted to help him raise his children, even the ones that were already grown, and the one Elliot wanted to be able to comfort and cry with when she was sweaty and tired and large in the throes of labour as she pushed their own child into the world.

Looking over his shoulder into the living room where he could see Olivia had dozed off, one hand still held over their baby, he knew he would do anything and everything in his power to make sure those things would happen.

The heart he had never thought himself able to give to anyone other than his children now belonged with Olivia, he knew with every ounce of his being. She was his heart, and his love and his life.

But when he came out of the kitchen again 40 minutes later with their dinner in hand, he saw she was awake, legs tucked to one side as she held the ultrasound picture, tracing over the petite profile.

"She's so tiny," Olivia wondered aloud, looking up at Elliot with tears brightening her wide eyes.

"She's so small and I already love her so much," she rubbed her bump worriedly as she spoke.

Elliot sat down beside her and captured her hand in both of his, rubbing it between his own hands to warm them up as Olivia shivered, lost in her dark thoughts.

"How could someone want to hurt something so pure and innocent? Whoever's after me won't think twice about the fact they'll be killing two people…I want this baby, El." Her head swung around again, her eyes pleading with him as if he had the choice or the power to bid the baby stick in her womb.

Setting down the steaming bowls of pasta on the coffee table in front of them, Elliot felt rather than saw her jerky intake of breath and instantly his hands flew to her swollen waist; feeling for himself the way her muscles clenched tightly, hurting her as her blood pressure rose.

"Ugh…"

"Sshh, Liv, try to relax. Breathe honey, nice and slow…good girl." One hand still supporting her waist at the small of her back, Elliot drew her down the couch a little further – gathering her shaking body into his arms so that she lay in a semi-reclined position cuddled to his chest.

Olivia forced herself to breathe again, slowly and rhythmically in the hope that the pain clutching her womb would begin to ease.

Helpless against the waves of fear and despair that were crashing down on her world, Olivia turned further into his strong embrace, needing desperately in that moment to feel safe and protected and loved. Letting herself take refuge in his arms, forgetting for a moment all the outside forces that sought to hurt her and her unborn child.

She closed her eyes as she evened her breathing to ease the cramps and tightness she felt in her belly.

The remnants of tears glossed the long black fringe of lashes that only served to accentuate the ghostlike paleness of her usually glowing honey tinted skin.

Elliot brushed his lips against her forehead before burying his face in the soft dark masses of her hair that tumbled haphazardly around her shoulders, inhaling the unique scent that was all Olivia.

He rocked her back and forth, crooning meaningless words of comfort and soothing his hands over her back and shoulders.

After a while, Olivia stopped shivering. And a little while after that she gingerly sat upright, a cautious hand still pressed to the hard round swell.

Keeping Olivia in his arms, Elliot leaned over to bring their forgotten dinner over which thankfully was still hot and set it down in her lap, turning the spoon so it faced her.

Even if she trusted herself to speak, there was no need for words as Olivia rested her head against Elliot's shoulder, forcing herself to swallow only for the sake of her baby.

But she couldn't get through more than half of the small bowl before she set it aside, the guilt for not wanting what Elliot had made for her on request adding another knot to her already sore stomach.

"Try and eat a little more, honey. You can't just eat enough for the baby; we've got to start putting some weight on you as well, Liv. We have to do everything we can to keep you strong…"

"I don't feel strong," Olivia choked out somewhere between a sob and a laugh. "And it scares the hell out of me, Elliot. I've gotten used to having to be strong and now, if I lean too hard on you I…"

"You're scared you'll fall even harder," Elliot finished for her grimly.

"Olivia Benson I promise you, I give you my word that I will never let you fall. So long as I'm on this earth I want to be with you," he swore fervently, lifting her chin up so that her eyes met his.

He fingered the engagement ring on Olivia's left hand, sliding it off for a second. Olivia's eyes filled with hurt, but before she had time to say anything Elliot flipped the ring over, pointing out a detail she had managed to miss this morning when she put it back on her hand when they announced the news of their engagement.

Catching in the soft light of the lamp, Olivia's eyes focused on the inscription on the crossed band of the ring that read 'Semper fi' just as the pendant did around her neck.

"Always, Olivia."

**Awww, so whaddya think? Also, let me know what you think about what/who/how/why this guy is after Liv & what his plans are for her! REVIEW!**


	13. Chapter 13: Last Laugh

**Okay, I figured I'd give you guys a little more EO mush & fluff before the drama and danger begins. Enjoy & REVIEW! All my ideas are set but I have nothing typed. So motivate me!**

Another couple of quiet weeks had passed; a welcome change from the early trauma and fear of losing the pregnancy. Nothing more had been heard from whoever had manipulated those photos to threaten Olivia and 1PP had called off the protective detail seeing as she had an ex-cop and ex-marine as her constant companion, not to mention shadow.

Of course now that she was out of the first trimester, the baby was just starting to hit a major growth spurt at almost 16 weeks– which gave Olivia an intense joy…and constant bellyaches.

As the baby grew larger, she pushed out and stretched the walls of Olivia's already tight, scarred uterus. According to the doctor there was nothing she could do except rest more and try massage to help the skin to stretch and the muscles to un-tense.

But that still didn't change the fact that she was in near constant discomfort, often verging on very real pain. Although she couldn't feel the baby's movement yet, Olivia could feel the sharp shooting pains of her ligaments stretching and her muscles pulling.

Add all that to the constant nausea courtesy of morning sickness and most days Olivia was one sick puppy.

Coming home from work one day, she all but dropped her clothes on the floor as soon as she got in the door and threw herself in the shower, hoping the hot water would relieve some of her aches and pains.

Elliot arrived at the apartment ten minutes later, worried when he saw the trail of her clothes. He knocked on the bathroom door and it swung open slightly, letting the steam pour out.

"Liv? Honey are you okay?" he pushed the door all the way open and saw through the clear glass of the shower, Olivia leaning heavily against the wall, bent over at the waist in apparent discomfort.

"Olivia…" Elliot opened the glass door, not caring that his clothes were becoming soaked and helped her step out of the shower.

"Are you having more pains?" he searched her eyes for clues worriedly but Olivia shook her head, crossing her arms over her naked body.

"Just the kind the doctor told us to expect because of the endometriosis, no contractions." She closed her eyes and inhaled sharply as her stomach churned violently in response to the ligament pains she was feeling.

Wrapping her warmly in a towel, Elliot dried her off tenderly, intentionally not touching her stomach for fear of causing her more pain before he slipped an oversized silk pajama shirt over her head so that it fell just about mid-thigh.

"Did you want to try one of the exercises your OB-GYN gave us to stretch you out a little?"

The lavender silk of the shirt outlined the roundness of her stomach, the fabric clinging to the bulge of her belly as she grimaced. "When he did them on me at the last appointment I think they hurt more than they helped." She said - laying her hands gently palms down against the swell.

"I promise I will never do anything to hurt you, Liv."

Elliot gathered her into his arms so that their bodies touched, he shifted her upwards slightly, keeping one hand around her hips while the other one supported her back as he dipped her backwards as if they were dancing, but with cautious slowness.

He repeated the same thing over again several times, each time bending her backwards at a slightly different angle so that all her muscles were used equally.

Lowering her body to the floor so she lay on her back he kneeled over her, lifting her by her waist so that her body curved into an arch.

When he was done he picked her up again, not wanting her to use the muscles she'd just exercised and laid her out flat on the couch.

She moaned in pleasure, but Elliot's expression clouded as he hovered over her. "Olivia, did I hurt you?"

She shook her head lazily from side to side. "No," she breathed. "No, Elliot your hands feel so good on me, you could never hurt me."

She tilted her head up for a kiss and smiled wistfully, "I can't make myself believe this is real sometimes," she admitted.

"Being with you, knowing that you love me…having your child, it seems like a dream. And I'm terrified of waking up."

Elliot cupped her face with his hands and leaned over her so their foreheads touched as he looked into her eyes, needing to reassure her that he was never leaving.

"Believe it…I haven't stopped loving you for one second in fourteen years. You're my life now Olivia, you and our baby and if I left you I might as well be dead."

Olivia glanced down at the clingy fabric of her shirt, drawing it up slowly so her belly was bare. She lightly fingered the faint stretch marks that had begun to appear on her skin.

"I'm getting older, Elliot. If you wanted to re-marry you could have a younger wife, one whose body would be young and slim and healthy, who could give you healthy babies without fear of miscarrying."

Elliot drew away from her lips, confusing her for a moment before he pressed them to a spot just above her pelvic bone just below where the bump of their baby distended her stomach.

Olivia shivered as every nerve ending in her lower body stirred to life. His lips trailed over every stretch mark and freckle that marked the creamy skin until his mouth reached the undersides of her breasts.

"Olivia…you are a miracle. You're a gift I never ever thought I would get or deserved. And if anyone is terrified of waking up from this dream it's me. I'd wake up to a loveless marriage and the certainty that I would never have anyone who wanted me. You are my miracle and this baby is our miracle," he bent to press his lips to the outermost peak of her small belly again.

"And even if we lose this baby, which I will do everything in my power to make sure you and our daughter are safe, I would still love you the same. THAT is why I'm so overzealous about keeping you safe. I will spend the REST of my life trying to make you believe that, Olivia. And I can only hope that one day you'll realize just how much I love you, but until then I won't love you any less. I can't, not even for the sake of my own heart Olivia. God forgive me but I can't stop loving you, and I never will stop."

She reached up to touch his face, "I believe you Elliot…I believe you now."

Elliot leaned over from his place kneeling beside the couch and Olivia sighed with pleasure as she felt his warm strong hand resting protectively over their baby.

"Feeling any better?"

"Mmhmm, I feel good as new…Well, as good as new as a first time mom in her forties can be in any case," she chuckled wryly.

Then she turned big chocolate brown eyes up to him, giving him the look he could never refuse her anything when she did.

"El?" her voice was soft now. "Can we go for a walk in Central Park now before we get dinner?"

Elliot sighed; this woman would be the death of him.

"Liv," he pleaded half heartedly, knowing she would win their argument. "You were so sick a little while ago; you don't want to overdo it."

Olivia pouted slightly, sitting up from the couch. "But the doctor said I should be getting some exercise to help keep my blood pressure down – and now the pains are gone I'm 100% healthy remember? That's what's so weird about this disease, it comes on quickly and then disappears just as fast. Right now I'm just a normal healthy pregnant woman who wants a romantic night out with her fiancé because everything up to now has been us worrying about the baby."

As she stood to go over by the door to get her shoes on she turned around, giving him a cheeky grin. "Besides, it's 2 against one now," she said laughingly as she held a hand to her baby bump that was shaking with laughter.

Elliot rose to his feet and went over to her, pulling her up gently by the elbow so he could crouch down right in front of her, talking to the bump in a stage whisper. "What has your mother gotten us into?"

He stood up again, "Fine, but the baby also told me that she only wants to go for a gentle stroll for no more than 30 minutes before we get you to a restaurant where you can put your feet up."

Without warning, Olivia stepped towards him, pushing him against the wall as she pressed her body to his and sought out his lips with her own. "I love you so much Elliot Stabler," she whispered through the kiss.

Running his fingers through her still damp hair he cupped her face, bringing it close again and speaking in a low tone. " And I love you, Olivia Benson soon to be Stabler."

She smiled in a wide grin, her joy evident from the shine in her eyes. "I can't wait."

And as Elliot locked the door behind them and took Olivia's hand in his, he thought that he couldn't wait either.

**R E V I E W R E V I E W R E V I E W **R E V I E W R E V I E W R E V I E W **R E V I E W R E V I E W R E V I E W ******


	14. Chapter 14: Destined Fate

**Okay, I decided to write one more 'fluff' chapter as a lot of people responded saying they love the fluff. I mean, who doesn't? It's certainly more fun to write than the heavy stuff (or the Dante's Inferno essay I almost handed in late yesterday! :/ ). **

**But for those who want the plot to get moving, it's about to go into overdrive! I can think of at least 3 major events that will be happening in the next couple of chapters.**

** Don't worry though, I still have a long ways to go with this story. At the very very least another 10000 or so words :) So review & help me get those ideas down on paper! I mean keyboard...I mean word document...Oh you know what I mean. **

**Special thanks to Rhonda Roo & Hailey Q for the ultra sweet comments. You guys are awesome! xoxo As are all of you who review, so go do that! :)**

"I'm starving!" Olivia groaned, rubbing her tummy with the hand that wasn't tightly clasped in Elliot's as they walked through the park; the street lamps just coming on to add a warm glow to the evening with the setting of the sun.

"So what else is new?" Elliot teased her, softening the blow by gently twirling her so that she was facing him and puller her closer with a hand at the small of her back so that her hard round stomach was pressed to him and he slipped a hand between them to feel.

Still holding her in his arms under the street light, their faces barely a millimetre apart, he smiled, moving his other hand to cradle her face.

"You'll start feeling her move soon," he whispered conspiratorially, a smile lighting his face in a way that the street lamps couldn't.

"Mmm, she's getting big," Olivia agreed, closing her eyes a moment as she rested her face against the caress of his hand.

"I can't wait to feel her moving inside me. I'll know she's okay then," Olivia continued in her train of thought as they approached the little Italian restaurant just beside the perimeter of the park.

"I wish more than anything I was still on the squad; then I could make sure you're safe too."

"But then none of this would have ever happened," Olivia reminded him gently as they stood outside the door to the restaurant's garden terrace – a rueful smile curving her lips as she added, "and I'd still be able to zip up my pants."

Elliot chuckled wryly as they took a seat on the lighted patio, the glow coming from the candles in the middle of the table seeming dull compared to the life and love he saw shining out of Olivia's eyes.

Getting back into the apartment later that night, Olivia shrugged the jacket off her shoulders Elliot had draped around them as they'd walked home and the cool night air chilled her.

But the cool temperatures were only a small part of the reason Olivia's nipples puckered as they stepped into the warmth of the apartment.

Sliding a warm hand underneath her collar, Elliot traced the silky line of her skin, cleanly undoing the buttons of her shirt as his fingers deftly relieved her of the unwanted layer.

"Yesss," she hissed in satisfaction as she felt her body respond wildly to Elliot's stimulations, only opening her eyes when his hand stilled.

"Are you sure you're up to this, Liv? I don't want to pressure you into doing anything if you're not feeling well."

"Elliot Stabler, I swear to you I'll die if you don't finish what you've started. Please…" she begged in a voice husky with arousal as she pulled his hands back to the swollen peaks of her breasts.

Scooping her up underneath her rear, Elliot held onto Olivia as she straddled his waist with long, lean but sinfully curvy legs and heaven help him if he could already feel the damp heat grow between her legs as she ground against him, her body telling him what it so desperately needed.

She whimpered in frustration as her still small belly got in the way of how firmly she could press herself to him.

As her pants slipped from her legs with a little help from Elliot she shuddered in heady anticipation as his tongue snaked beneath the straps of her bra, leaving a moist track which the air cooled rapidly causing the warm ache between her legs to throb with even greater need.

Still wary of hurting her, Elliot slipped a hand between her thighs, feeling to see if she was ready for him. It took all of his own self control not to combust on the spot as the velvet folds welcomed his hand with their tight slick heat, even now tightening around his fingers as if trying to draw him in further.

Olivia was past words as Elliot's finger smoothly found the tight bud of her femininity and stroked over it lightly. Her hips jerked against him and she clutched at his shoulders, needing him inside her.

Not knowing who was enjoying themselves more Elliot took Olivia's hand, snaking it down her body until it too rested just outside her body on top of the needy mound of flesh his own fingers were entangled in. He pressed her hand down over herself, pushing his own fingers in at the same time so that the pressure her hand exerted all centred in that one sensitive spot.

Olivia couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, couldn't do anything but submit and ride the waves of pleasure that crashed through her body over and over again, starting again when she thought she had to be finished when Elliot began to move his index finger in tiny circles again. Tightening her, readying her past a point she had thought was possible.

Finally regaining some control of her body, Olivia loosened herself from Elliot's grasp and all but ripped the dark denim from his muscular thighs, smoothing her own palm over the impatient bulge straining behind his briefs.

Quickly they shed the rest of each others clothes. Elliot hoisting her onto the bed, crushing his lips against hers with the same fierceness of passion she cried out with as he paused just outside the shadowed beckoning cave

Filling his hands with the achingly luscious weight of her breasts he built her up to an impossible level again before teasing her, with only the tip of his shaft circling the moist entrance of her body.

"I love you," she choked out as he slowly entered into her.

"More than my own life," he answered back before going faster, the slick thick strokes overwhelming her before she could take another breath.

"Olivia," Elliot spoke through gritted teeth and she could sense the slipping control behind them.

She arched her body upwards slightly, taking him in even deeper until both their vision was filled with sparks and light and the heady roar of climax in their ecstasy.

As she orgasmed for the second time that night Olivia screamed, sobbing out his name in pleasure before submitting again to the rush of climax that clawed the fevered screams from her throat.

Elliot slumped to the side, breathing heavily, but not wanting to rest his weight against her. And gathering her into his arms, buried his face in her hair whispering how much he loved her, how beautiful she was.

Finally catching her breath now, Olivia turned her head towards him, satedly accepting a kiss from him as she held his hand to the side of her waist as his thumb brushed gently across the taut skin.

Reaching for the container of cream sitting on the bedside table, Elliot warmed some between his hands, rolling Olivia over so that she lay on her back – her naked abdomen bared to him in all its proud maternal glory.

Olivia watched through pleasure heavy eyes, loving the man in front of her with a depth so powerful she would have been did she not trust him with all of her being.

Rubbing the cream between his palms until it turned into a fragrant oil, Elliot smoothed it slickly over her stomach. The strong, capable, calloused hands she knew so well smoothed tenderly over the skin of her full tummy, gently but firmly massaging in the stretch mark oil, helping to stretch the tight drum of her belly in the hopes the muscles would ease.

He watched as the rise and fall of her chest slowed into the peaceful rhythm of almost sleep, and he tucked the blankets around her and pulled her body to him – pleased that he had been able to relive some of her discomfort and seemingly put his fiancée and their daughter to sleep.

Closing his eyes to the night as well in slumber, Elliot didn't notice the strange flash of light in the corner of the room, or the drapes sweeping shut in the apartment across from theirs.

That night may be filled with the sweetest dreams, but it was in the morning that they'd awake to a nightmare.

**Uh oh, THAT doesn't sound good. Couldn't they just make hot passionate love again & live happily ever after? Don't worry, it'll happen eventually in one way or another. **

**Review to find out! Leave me some awesome reviews to read after church tomorrow morning! And Happy SuperBowl Sunday in advance! XOXO, Holly**


	15. Chapter 15: Fly on the Wall

**Hope you all enjoyed the Super Bowl! I was cheering Giants, but if I'm being honest - that's only because they're New York and it's a place I've actually been :P Not to mention SVU films there :)**

**So on with the story! And pleease send me some reviews, I really do love each and every one of them!**

The next morning Olivia was in the shower when her cell rang. Glancing at the closed bathroom door Elliot picked it up and flipped it open to see a number he knew all too well.

"Benson's phone, oh hey Cap," Elliot answered, his voice muffled by the piece of toast he'd stuffed in his mouth when he picked up the phone.

"Elliot, good. I didn't know if you'd still have the same number. You're the one I want to talk to. How's Liv?"

Swallowing, Elliot nodded once before answering, "Pretty good, we've managed to not throw up this morning which is a nice change."

The older man chuckled at Elliot's use of the word 'we', knowing just how besotted the two were with each other. But as much as he wanted them to be happy, there was news that couldn't wait.

"Elliot, I want both of you to come to the precinct this morning. There's been a new development with Liv's case."

Immediately, Elliot's attention snapped to. "Captain, what is it?"

"Just come to the precinct, there's a possibility you're being listened in on right now. We think the apartment's been bugged."

"We'll be there in 30."

"Don't tell Liv anything just yet, you of all people know she's supposed to be on a no stress lifestyle at the moment."

Elliot rubbed a hand over his eyes, thinking. "Got it, see you soon."

He felt a lush warmth press into him from behind as Olivia wrapped her arms around his waist. "See who soon? I thought you weren't working today."

"I'm not," he turned her around and kissed her. "How are my girls doing this morning? I didn't hear you getting sick in the bathroom."

Olivia smiled, "Came close once or twice, but for the most part we've behaved ourselves for mommy this morning." She laughed as Elliot bent over to press kisses all over her belly.

"Is this one of your new shirts?" Elliot asked, twirling her around so he could see it from every angle.

Olivia smoothed the ruched sleeves of the plum scoop neck jersey top she was wearing and nodded, looking at her reflection in the hallway mirror and frowning slightly.

"Do you think it's too tight?" she framed her bump with her hands. "It really shows off my belly…Anyone who didn't know I was pregnant before will certainly notice now."

Still unsure, she glanced over at Elliot to gauge his reaction.

"Honey if it was up to me you wouldn't even be wearing a shirt right now," he teased her and she swatted his arm half-heartedly, blushing as she did.

"So you'd have me pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen?" she teased back, pretending to be offended.

Grabbing his keys from the front hall table, Elliot winked as he opened the front door to the apartment. "I was thinking bare all over and in the bedroom actually."

Olivia glanced over at Elliot for what felt like the millionth time as they drove to the 1-6. Something was up, she could see it in the way his hands gripped the steering wheel and in the tense line of his jaw.

"Elliot…You want to marry me right?" she questioned quietly from the passenger seat.

Elliot looked at her like she was insane, "Of course I do Liv, why would you ever think otherwise?" He held out his hand and she took it in her own hands before holding it over her heart.

"Then we have to be partners in life as well, Elliot…equals. You need to be honest with me. I've shared every fear and concern about this pregnancy with you. And I know you're holding something back."

Elliot pulled into the SVU parking lot and turned to her, "Olivia, everyone expects me, and knows me to be strong. Physically, emotionally, whatever; but I'm not strong enough to hurt you, Olivia. Call me a coward but I can't bring myself to be the one to cause that look of hurt to cross your face. I'm the one who's supposed to protect you from everything bad and keep you from hurting. God help me I'm trying. If I had my way I would have whisked you away on vacation by now to get you away from whatever psycho is out there trying to hurt you."

He sighed again, this time a harsh frustrated sound and Olivia smoothed a soothing hand down his neck. "Elliot, tell me. I'd rather hear the news from you than from anybody else. And then I promise that if whatever you say upsets me or stresses me out then we'll sit in the car until I'm feeling better and we're sure my blood pressure doesn't set off any cramping. Okay?"

Those brown eyes turned on him and Elliot had no choice but to give her what she wanted.

He reached over, unbuckling her seatbelt and putting her seat into a full recline so she was all but lying down.

"This must be serious," she murmured as Elliot left hand caressed her tummy, she assumed to feel for any tightening and his right hand rested just beside the hollow of her throat where her pulse beat.

"Cragen called, that's who I was on the phone with when you were in the shower this morning," Elliot explained, still hating himself for what he was about to put her through.

"I don't have the whole story, but they're pretty sure – scratch that they're positive that the apartment has been bugged."

A surge of adrenaline rushed through her body and she struggled to control her breathing as an uncommon thread of fear wound down her spine like ice. "I don't even remember half the things we've said or talked about since you moved in," she spoke aloud but her eyes were distant.

"There's no telling how much he knows about us and our schedule now."

Elliot nodded grimly, his hand still rubbing her belly in soothing circles. She placed a hand overtop of his and gave him a watery smile.

"Help me up?"

"You think you'll be okay hearing the rest of whatever Cragen has to tell us?" Elliot stared down at the woman beside him in the elevator, worrying over her every feature and change of expression.

"I have to be El," she said as the elevator came to a stop. "I'm not the only one I need to be strong for anymore."

Walking into the 1-6 precinct, Elliot and Olivia headed straight for Cragen's office where Munch and Fin were also waiting.

"No Amaro and Rollins?" Olivia questioned as she sat down in the chair Cragen had pulled out for her.

"We didn't think they needed ALL the details," Cragen started. "I take it Elliot told you?"

She nodded, "I know the place has been bugged. But how did you guys find out? I don't remember TARU breaking in and sweeping the place."

"Well they'll be over there in about an hour doing just that," Munch assured her. "But we received a tape this morning and a new message."

Cragen looked as though he were choosing between two horrible options. "You're not going to take it on my word that you don't want to hear the tape - are you?"

"Captain, I'm fine," Olivia tried to reassure the older man without sounding too exasperated. "The baby's not going anywhere anytime soon so just let me do my job." She tempered the statement with a hand on his arm.

He nodded grimly, at first to himself and then to Munch who reluctantly pressed a button to start the recording.

At first, Olivia strained to hear the sounds coming from the tape. But after a moment they became louder and more familiar until the entire office was filled with the screams of their lovemaking, only getting louder as each reached orgasm on the tape.

Coming out of the paralyzing shock that had taken over her body as soon as she recognized what she was hearing, Olivia grabbed wildly for the machine's plug, sending it crashing to the floor.

But no one seemed to care.

Elliot's lips were set in a grim grey line as he crouched down next to her, rubbing her knee cautiously.

Her words came out fast and choppily as her mind blurred through all of what the maker of that tape had heard and violated.

"He…Oh god…He's been…to us…How long?"

"So far he's only sent us this tape, but TARU will be able to tell us more once they've gone over everything."

Olivia nodded numbly, still trying to process everything.

"Liv, we're going to get this guy I promise." Munch spoke from his corner, giving her a rare sympathetic smile as he tried to reassure her.

"I'm so embarrassed," Olivia whispered mortified, feeling her cheeks redden as realization of what she and her colleagues had just heard continued to sink in.

Fin adding, "Well we didn't think you were playing Parcheesi, baby girl." Fin tried to joke to get her mind off of more unsettling things.

Elliot was still crouched down in front of her, making her focus on him and breathing with her. He turned to the men he still considered brothers, "and the note?"

Olivia's voice rang out, "read it aloud," a vein of steel running through it like she expected to be challenged.

Elliot nodded at Munch who began to read the elegantly scripted letter, which he pulled from an expensive looking envelope while wearing a pair of latex gloves…

"To my Olivia…" the note started.

**Would you like to find out what this perv is thinking? Then REVIEW and you can find out faster ;) What else has this psycho picked up on, bugging Liv's apartment?**


	16. Chapter 16: Directions

**So sorry for the delay in updating guys, I'm staying up late just so I can post this seeing as I only finished it a couple minutes ago. Need some serious motivation right now, not only for the story. Each and every one of your reviews is so appreciated, so please, don't think they're not worth it! Updates would take even longer without them!**

**However, I HAVE finally figured out who my 'perp' is going to be though, and I can all but guarantee, none of you are going to expect it. So review! xo**

Elliot nodded at Munch who began to read the elegantly scripted letter, which he pulled from an expensive looking envelope while wearing a pair of latex gloves…

"To my Olivia…" the note started.

_I promise I can make you scream louder. Soon enough you'll be on your knees begging for me, screaming my name. _

_You will forever be the one that got away. _

_But don't worry your pretty little head about it, I'll find you soon enough. And then we can be together forever, I'll be the last man you'll ever be with. _

_And if anything happens to me, I have friends who will take care of you Olivia. You'll never be alone again. Someone will always be watching over you, until the day you die. Listening to this tape brought back so many fond memories of us. _

_And then you'll die a whore's death, just like the others. Like mother, like daughter. I guess being a And if we don't meet again until that brat in your belly is born, I'll have just as much fun with her. Like mother, like daughter. _

_Goodbye for now Olivia, I promise we'll be seeing each other soon enough. Don't let your blood pressure get too high._

Olivia was silent for a few moments, eerily still and white-faced. Elliot had seen that look one too many times before and grabbed the wastebasket beside the desk with no time to spare before Olivia retched into it, tears of embarrassment and fear and anger streaming down her face.

When she was finished Munch handed her a bottle of water and Kleenex. "I'm sorry," she gasped, trying to catch her breath.

"Okay, so he knows I'm pregnant…we figured that would happen eventually, it's getting pretty hard to miss. D'you think he knows about the complications from listening in and bugging our apartment?"

"I don't know," Cragen shook his head. "Munch has gone through all your old case files and pulled anyone within the last 5 years who might have a grudge who's out or on parole or was never caught. But even so, it could be an ordered hit."

Snapping back to her normal brusque demeanor Olivia grabbed the box of files, which Elliot then lifted out of her arms.

"Elliot, let me do my job and catch this freak. I love you but if you think I'm going to stay at home and knit booties for the entirety of my pregnancy then you're crazy!"

"I know, God help me, I know. But that still doesn't mean you should be lugging around heavy boxes in your condition when there are strong, manly men around," he answered back.

"Yeah, so hand it over El," Munch teased Elliot, flexing his skinny arms, causing Fin to snort and nearly spill his coffee.

Luckily, their actions had the desired effect and Olivia laughed at their antics.

As everyone filed out of the office, Cragen caught Elliot by the arm lightly.

"You know I can't officially let you have access to current case files and police reports now that you're off the force. But…" the older man continued before Elliot could protest. Since you and Olivia aren't married yet, I could see handing over information to a former Navy SEAL who's acting as her bodyguard. That we just might get in under the wire."

Elliot nodded, eyes alight with a spark of comprehension and humor at his old captain's manipulation of the system he was supposed to protect and enforce. But it was a lesson they'd learned all too well that sometimes that system needed to be cast aside.

"I don't suppose pretty boy out there's going to give me my desk back," Elliot grumbled.

Cragen just chuckled, "Don't underestimate him, Stabler. I suggest you try calling him that to his face and see how he takes it."

Elliot glanced out the door, watching Olivia smile up at Amaro as he set a mug of tea down next to her on the desk and squeeze her shoulder reassuringly.

"He one of the good ones?"

Don thought for a moment before nodding and looking back up at the man he still felt was a son to him. "Yeah, I think he is."

"And Rollins?" Elliot asked about the younger blonde woman.

"Her heart's in the right place but she's still a little immature in the way she handles herself in some cases. But she's getting there."

Elliot nodded once thoughtfully, his eyes distant as he looked back at Olivia again before turning back to his old captain.

"I'm scared for her, Cap," he admitted softly and honestly.

Cragen put a hand on his shoulder, "I know…I am too, we all are. But you know that we're going to do everything we can to make sure she and that baby are safe."

The two men were silent a moment as they watched Olivia work. One who had come to think of her as a daughter and the other to whom she was his entire universe.

Elliot came up behind her and started to knead the kinks out of her shoulders and neck.

She shot him a grateful but tired smile, "Mmm, I knew there was some reason I agreed to marry you," she teased, moaning softly as the pressing heat of his palms loosened the tightened tense muscles.

Elliot laughed and leaned down to kiss her as she tilted her head back in pleasure.

"So what do we have?" he stepped away briefly to pull a spare chair over to Olivia's desk, the top of which was barely visible with the amounts of papers and folders of case files covering it.

"That your soon-to-be wife and baby mama is one badass cop," Fin inserted as he joined the group.

Munch chimed in as well, perching what Fin was so fond of calling his 'bony ass' on the adjacent desk. "Take your pick of sleaze balls, there's no shortage," he hefted a thick black binder of mug shots onto the desk.

Two hours later they were no closer. It looked like no one or every one on their list depending on how you looked at it. Everyone had motive, but few had opportunity – and the profiles created for the few with opportunity didn't mesh with their current perp's pattern.

Olivia leaned back in her seat, unconsciously grimacing and pressing a fist into the small of her back as Elliot watched her anxiously. This pregnancy was going to be, and already was, so unbelievably hard for her. Physically AND mentally now that some sociopath was out there plotting against her for who knows what reason.

Olivia stifled a yawn, shaking her head slightly as if to refocus herself. "God, I don't know why I'm so tired, it's only 11 o'clock. Where's all the energy I'm supposed to have in the second trimester?" she joked weakly.

"Growing our beautiful, healthy baby girl," Elliot replied replacing her hand with his on her tummy.

"When did you turn into such a sap?" Fin ribbed Elliot who mock punched him in the shoulder.

Cragen chuckled wryly, secretly warmed by the sight of all his 'children' back together and getting along. Catching Elliot's eye, he nodded and called Olivia's name, knowing she wouldn't listen to Elliot because she thought he was a worrywart…which he was, but for a good cause.

"Liv, why don't you catch 30 in the crib while we're waiting for the food to get here?"

Olivia looked as though she were going to protest, but even as she turned around her back throbbed with its own protest.

"Alright, I'm going," she grumbled. "But tell them not to forget the hot sauce like last time…"

"Yes ma'am, I mean mama," Fin saluted her teasingly and she turned around and stuck out her tongue as Elliot walked her to the crib.

"El – I know you're worried about me, but I'm fine. The baby's fine," she reassured him as the door closed behind them.

Elliot nearly groaned in frustration, of course he had to go and fall head over heels in love with the most stubborn, independent woman in Manhattan.

"Okay, so then according to the doctor, if you're 100% fine then it won't hurt if I do this."

He placed his hands on either side of her swollen belly and pressed in gently but firmly and she inhaled sharply as the tense muscles protested.

The same happened when he pressed at the base of her spine.

He helped her sit down on one of the cots and made her lie on one side while he rubbed her back.

"Oh God, this is harder than I thought it would be," Olivia sighed as she rubbed gentle circles on her tummy, hoping whatever she was doing was soothing the tiny baby in her belly. "Harder, but worth it…"

Once Olivia's eyes had finally fluttered closed in sleep, Elliot made himself rise from beside her, watching the rise and fall of her chest from the doorway, and thinking how more than anything he wished he could make this easier for her.

Physically, he couldn't do a lot more than make sure she rested like this and rub her back and feet. The only thing he could do for her was to catch the sonofabitch who seemed determined to put her and their baby in an early grave as soon as possible.

And silently, Elliot swore to do just that by any means possible.

**Clicking on blue review button + typing + hitting send = :) which = faster updates. - The extent of my math skills :P REVIEW!**


	17. Chapter 17: Ripple

**A whole lotta fluff and a little bit of drama. Hope you enjoy! Review & let me know what you guys think! Review, review, review! xoxo**

"You know we're going to have to tell the kids tomorrow night. They're coming home from Greece this week. I still can't believe Kathy took them with her for her new job for half the school year." Elliot came up behind and wrapping his arms around her in the increasingly lessening space between her breasts and her bump as she stood in front of the stove that evening.

"I know..." Olivia put down the spoon she was using to stir the pot. "God, El what are they going to say? When they left, you hadn't talked to me since the day you walked out of the squad room."

Even with that one small comment, Elliot could feel the subtle tightening of her uterine muscles through her shirt.

"Hey, none of that," he turned her round to face him, pressing a kiss to the corner of her eyes that were creased with worry.

She closed her eyes and let herself lean in to Elliot's warm broad chest as he pressed his lips to her forehead.

"Remember, I can always tell the kids myself. There's absolutely no need for you to put yourself or the baby through this."

"I can't hide forever, El. The kids have to find out at some point, and so does IAB. Bump here isn't so little anymore and if the doctor's guess is right, she's going to be coming early no matter what we do."

Now Elliot crouched down, pushing Olivia's sweater up to reveal the firm mound of the baby which he cradled tenderly between his work roughened hands. "Now you stay put young lady," he ordered in a mockingly stern voice.

Hormones always close to the edge these days, Olivia's eyes pricked with tears as she watched the fierce bear-like figure of her fiancé tenderly kiss the slope of her belly, which she held his head close to as she felt the whisper of his lips warm against her skin.

He stood again, moulding his mouth and body to hers in a heady flare of passion and desire as he walked her backwards to the couch, which he pushed her down on carefully before pulling back.

"Now put your feet up and rest a bit while I finish dinner," he finished with a satisfied smile – leaving Olivia not knowing whether she wanted to punch him or kiss him again.

She'd flipped through an article that day that had said her baby could hear sounds now, and when she was born would recognize familiar voices so she decided to try it, not that she already didn't talk to her baby on occasion during day to day activities.

Olivia pushed her sweater up again to just beneath the newfound generous swell of her breasts, which seemed a little silly but she wanted to make sure nothing was blocking her baby from hearing her.

Closing her eyes, her palms facing down on her tummy she started. "Hi pretty baby, this is your mommy speaking."

Elliot stopped what he was doing and set the chopping knife down, smiling after a moment when he recognized the sounds as Olivia talking to their baby before starting up dinner preparations again.

"I can see you getting bigger and stronger everyday as you push out my belly bigger and bigger. I know you might hear me complain about the pain sometimes but I want you to know that none of it is your fault and that I wouldn't go through this for anyone else in the whole wide world, darling. You just keep growing in there, safe and healthy and don't let those nasty contractions bother you. I can't wait until I start to feel you move and kick in my belly. Your daddy and I are so excited to meet you. We love you so much, sweet girl, so so much…"

Olivia was jolted out of her daydreams by a tiny grumbling feeling in her stomach. She waited a moment, not even daring to breathe but for when it happened again.

"Elliot!" she struggled to sit up as Elliot crossed the room in a heartbeat thinking something was wrong as the tears poured down her face.

He cradled her face in his hands, "Liv, what is it – what hurts?"

She shook her head, laughing and crying at the same time, unable to speak. So she took his hand in hers and guided it down to the left side of her belly where she'd felt the tiny fluttering movements.

"I felt her, El. I felt our baby move," she managed to gasp out as her tears came even harder as she watched a brilliant smile dawn on the face of the man she loved, turning him into a pile of mush as he rubbed and cooed at her belly.

Olivia lay her head back against the armrest, letting the tears flow down her hair and neck. That same little whisper of pressure, almost like a bubble popping happened again and she hugged her arms around herself.

As Elliot leaned over her once again, she kissed him back with a passion despite her tears. "I know it sounds silly but there's really a baby growing inside me and I can feel her and I know she's okay."

"So it wasn't just overdosing on doughnuts?" Elliot teased before she grabbed one of the couch cushions and hit him over the head with it as if she was offended.

He wrangled it from her hands with pretense fierceness before pretending to pounce, instead forming a cage over her with his body as he sucked on the sensitive spot behind her ear lobe where he could taste the remnants of the honest salt of her tears.

"I love you," he murmured as he straightened, taking a moment to lay his cheek across her abdomen again, and keeping eye contact with her addressed their baby. "I love you and your mommy so so much, little one."

After dinner, Olivia lay on the couch once again, sprawled out watching a rerun of friends and feeling guilty while Elliot cleaned up the dishes from dinner after he'd already been the one to make it. But he'd insisted, as usual.

The door buzzer rang sharply and Olivia heaved her getting to be fairly unwieldy body from the nest she'd made with the cushions on the couch, calling into the kitchen "I'll get it," while crossing over to the door.

She peeked out the latch and of all people, saw Dean Porter standing there, smiling widely.

"Dean…what are you doing here?" She backed up a step, still holding the door open so that he could at least stand in the front entryway.

But the words were barely out of her mouth when his expression darkened as he took in her whole appearance.

"You're pregnant?" he demanded almost angrily and stepped forward, grabbing her by the waist with one hand, fisting the fabric of her shirt so that it pulled even more tightly across her pregnant tummy.

Almost before the gasp had left Olivia's mouth, Elliot had been at her side, tucking her into his body with one arm and shoving Porter roughly against the wall with the other.

"Elliot, he didn't know he'd be hurting me like that," Olivia reminded him of Dean's ignorance about her condition, although she too was upset with the man that had been a former flame until he'd betrayed her during a case for, as he called it, 'the greater good'.

"I'll still thank you not to manhandle my pregnant fiancée," Elliot growled, loosening his grip slightly on the agent's shoulder

Elliot had already been walking towards the front door when he heard Olivia speak Porter's name, but when he had heard Porter's raised voice and Olivia's cry as the man's fingers unknowingly bruised her, he just saw red – the next image coming the clearly anxious but still petulant sneer of Dean Porter as he had him pinned.

"What do you want Dean?" Olivia's voice was strong and sure as she questioned the man in front of her although she pressed herself still closer to Elliot.

"I was in town on assignment, thought I'd drop in and see if you were free,"

"For a booty call maybe," Elliot muttered under his breath causing Olivia to elbow him slightly while trying to suppress a smile.

"But obviously…" Dean eyed her swollen belly with distaste, "you're busy with, other things. Bye, Olivia."

And with that parting statement, he extracted himself from between Elliot and the wall and left.

**Gosh darnit, that is one lovely review button! Clicking it makes the author happy! :) **


	18. Chapter 18: What Family Means

**Please oh please oh please, review! Special thanks to all my faithful reviewers, especially newcomer 'Cinderella'. P.s. Did this weeks's ep of SVU kill anyone else like it did me? I mean seeing Liv with her niece ? That's why I write these stories!**

Olivia sighed and leaned more heavily into Elliot, "I don't care if everyone else thinks I look like a fat cow. I'm proud of this weight and the bags under my eyes and my stretch-marked belly because they all mean I'm having my baby," she croaked out angrily.

Elliot pressed her head in closer, kissing her forehead. "Our baby," he corrected her smiling as his hand covered hers where it lay protectively overtop her belly.

"And I think you're the most stunningly beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life, pregnant or not. Having our baby inside you, just makes you…all," he kissed lower down on her neck, "the more," he kissed the other side of her neck just behind her ear; "desirable."

On the last word, he took her lips with his again, feeling her un-tense in his arms, forgetting the stress and tension of the last couple of minutes as he walked her slowly back towards the bedroom.

The next night, the apartment was cleaned from top to bottom and Olivia had been cooking all day, despite Elliot's very vehement protests, and was clearly drained.

"Liv, everything is fine. Dinner looks great, why don't you go and lie down for a few minutes before they get here?"

Olivia glanced nervously around the room again, a hand absentmindedly anxiously massaging her lower belly.

"Everything's fine, Liv," he soothed again, starting to walk her towards their bedroom.

He made her feel so loved, so treasured, Olivia thought as she allowed him to lead her down the hall. Never in her life had she ever been made to feel so cherished or special, or delicate. She allowed him to help her ease down on the bed, not able to supress the groan of relief she felt from getting off her feet.

He sat down beside her after he'd tucked the covers in around her and pushed her hair back from her face.

She closed her eyes in tired contentment as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Just for a few minutes…" she murmured tiredly, her eyes already drifting closed.

Elliot didn't move for a few moments, just stayed and watched over her for a minute or so. As he moved away, he heard a soft "El?" and turned back to the bed.

"Thank you for taking such good care of me." Her eyes closed again almost before she'd finished the sentence and he knew she was asleep.

God, he loved that woman.

Twenty minutes later, the doorbell rang and he buzzed the kids up who'd arrived with Maureen, who he still couldn't believe had just turned 26 and the only one of them who hadn't gone on the trip because of her job and fiancé, another thing about which he was still in denial.

Elliot thought the door and the commotion of his kids coming in would have woken Olivia, but the bedroom door remained closed.

The last thing he wanted to do was disturb her when she was finally catching up on the rest she and her body so desperately needed.

"So it doesn't take a genius to figure out this has something to do with Olivia seeing as we're at her apartment." His second oldest, Kathleen stepped forward and hugged her father warmly.

"Guess the old man finally came to his senses," Dickie joked before Elliot grabbed him in a bear hug as well.

Almost 5 year old Eli was still in Mo's arms and he reached eagerly for his father with the free hand that wasn't in his mouth.

Letting go of the older four, Elliot zoomed Eli above his head before dropping him lightly on the couch.

"So where is she, dad? Although, come on, 5 to 1 doesn't seem fair," Kathleen teased, the same blue eyes he shared looking back at his own with a spark of laughter.

"This brings us to our second big piece of news," Elliot admitted, hoping like hell his children would take the news well, for their sake as well as for Olivia's. "She's asleep…"

"Oh my God, is she sick?" Mo's hand flew to her chest, concerned, and the rest of his children looked to him for an answer as well, save for Eli whose race car seemed infinitely more interesting than the serious adult conversation taking place over his head.

"No, no, she's…well actually yeah but…"

"I'm fine," Olivia's warm, husky voice came from behind Elliot.

"We're both fine." She walked out from the shadows of the hallway, cradling her pregnant belly with one hand on the top and one on the bottom.

"'Libia!" the little boy cried, running towards her. "I knew I'd gotten bigger but I didn't think I'd graduated to country status yet," she joked, muttering under her breath to Elliot as the Eli wrapped his arms around her legs in welcome, causing the group to burst out with laughter, dissipating any tension in the air that might have remained.

"Hi buddy," she dropped down into a crouch and hugged the tow-headed toddler who wrapped his arms around her neck.

Maureen and Kathleen stood and hugged Olivia warmly, quickly followed by Dickie, who was now Rick apparently, and Lizzie. Elliot watched fondly as his two oldest pulled Olivia down to the couch to sit between them.

Eli was looking around to see what all the fuss was about, not understanding why everyone was hugging and kissing also not wanting to be left out. Leaving his father's side, Eli flung himself into Olivia's arms before backing away in fear and confusion as she cried out.

"Oh!" Olivia gasped, pressing a hand to her side and doubling over slightly for a few moments until she straightened up again gingerly, holding up a hand and saying "I'm fine, I'm fine," breathlessly.

Eli was still standing warily a few feet away and Olivia motioned him back over with a smile, letting him know it was alright.

"I didn't mean to hurted you, Lib…" the blue eyes he'd inherited from his father shone with tears.

"I know, sweetie" Liv assured him, ruffling the blonde curls with one hand.

Elliot, who was by Olivia's knees having tried to stop Eli before he got to her, gathered his son to him with one arm comfortingly.

He placed a large, warm hand over Olivia's belly and turned to the little boy whose eyes were wide with curiosity.

"We need to be really gentle with Olivia, okay buddy?" Elliot explained. "See there's a baby in her tummy, and we have to be careful we don't hurt the baby".

Maureen leaned over from where she was sitting beside Olivia and rubbed her tummy in small circles before taking Eli's hand in hers. "See Eli? Nice and gentle..." She moved the little boy's hand carefully, letting go after a few moments after he understood.

Maureen's hand still rested on Liv's belly, "Okay, so come on! Give, details, waiting! How far along are you?"

"Just about 20 weeks," Olivia said grinning widely, thrilled that there didn't seem to be any tension in the family.

"So what are the complications?"

"High blood pressure which mixed together with stress and Braxton Hicks triggered a threatened miscarriage at 8 weeks, only getting worse as I get bigger and the scar tissue stretches and constricts. Long story short, I have endometriosis and my doctors wanted to do a hysterectomy in the next 6 months. This was my last chance to be a mom before that chance was taken away from me."

Kathleen, who was studying to be a registered nurse-midwife's eyes lit in understanding. How long did it take you to conceive with such an advanced case?"

"Err, once," Elliot said sheepishly as Olivia and the rest of his children laughed.

"Elliot Stabler everybody…!" Rick announced comically, "Ironically, the best form of deterrent and birth control for his kids."

The energetic four year old had lost his shyness again and was gently, driving his cars across Liv's belly from where he had crawled into Kathleen's lap.

By now, Olivia was laughing so hard her sides were aching again, but this time it was in the best way possible.

**Also, been a little pre-occupied. I fell down the stairs last week and fractured a rib. Motivate me with some reviews so I can put all this couch time to good use! xoxo**


	19. Chapter 19:Bombed Out or Bananas

**Hey! I know the wait was a little long (blame the painkillers, I'm a little unfocused right now :P) but I think I made up for it with this chapter! Little bit of fluff, little bit of funny...and a whole lot more drama! Tell me what you think! Your reviews really are the only thing keeping me from going completely stir-crazy. And if I go crazy (okay fine...craziER) then that means I can't write! You see it's very hard to type when your arms are wrapped around yourself and buckled down in a white coat! **

**Sooo review!**

"Bananas," Olivia announced from where she was sitting at her desk t the 1-6 precinct.

"Another craving?" Munch asked wryly from his own desk and Olivia stuck her tongue out at him.

"No, the baby," Olivia replied smiling.

"Honestly Munch, haven't you learned by now that us men are supposed to say the baby's craving whatever it is so mommy doesn't feel like a whale?" Fin mock punched his partner in the shoulder.

"You think I look like a whale?" Olivia's voice hitched slightly as she looked down at her growing, now 24 weeks bump worriedly.

"Oh God," Amaro groaned from his own desk. "You all really don't know anything about pregnant women do you?" he said before turning to his desk mate. "Olivia you are glowing and beautiful and just the right size."

He shot a look over at Munch and Fin after reassuring Olivia.

"Hitting on my fiancé, Amaro?" Elliot teased the younger man, knowing he was happily married.

"Well if all of you would be quiet for one minute I could explain I was talking about the baby. The BABY is the size of a banana now." Olivia explained exasperatedly…although she couldn't quite keep the corners of her mouth from turning up in a smile at their antics and efforts.

"Banan-uh, Benson," Olivia answered the phone on her desk, shooting a death glare at her coworkers who were giggling at her mistake.

After a moment she hung up again. "No one was there…think I'll trace it anyway just to be sure it wasn't one of our victims."

"On it baby girl," Fin stood and went over to get a trace back from the line.

"Thanks, Fin," Olivia called back as everyone went back to what they had been doing before to solve one of their open cases, and Elliot working on Olivia's file – which thankfully and frustratingly seemed to be growing ever colder.

"Liv, IAB just called. They want to review your profile and your case details before they decided on maternity leave. They'll be in around 3." Cragen had come over to her desk so she didn't have to get up.

Olivia let her head fall back and groaned, "If it's Tucker I can't promise I won't have a hormonal attack and blitz him," she joked wryly as she accepted Cragen's arm to stand up.

Cragen chuckled to himself as he helped her to stand.

The ground beneath her feet seemed to vibrate slightly, and Olivia turned to the older man, expecting the feeling to have just been a touch of pregnancy vertigo and for him not to have noticed anything.

But in the split second she caught his eye; his face registered confusion and then horror as a blast tore through the air, ripping apart the squad room by the seams.

"No!" Donald Cragen yelled hoarsely as he threw his body over Olivia's as the explosion hurled their bodies to the ground.

Heat and smoke, the silvery sound of falling, shattering glass and a weight pressing down on her were the first sensations Olivia felt as her mind struggled back to consciousness, though the edges still shimmered hazily black.

Burning, she was burning. Thick black smoke coiled in the air around her, forcing itself into her lungs as she tried to draw in breath but couldn't.

A mixture of blood, soot and tears blurred her vision but she could hear muffled screams around her.

Painstakingly, she opened her eyes although she wasn't able to see more than a few inches in front of her because of the smoke. What she did see however, was Cragen's too still form draped over her body.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no," she croaked dryly, her throat swollen and scorched from the searing smoke. Her arms felt like leaden pipes and her head pounded and swam from lack of oxygen and there was nothing that felt easier at that moment than slipping back into the darkness.

Sobbing with frustration at her helplessness, Olivia managed to raise her fingers weakly to check the older man for a pulse.

He couldn't be dead. Not Cragen, not her captain…not the man who had become like a father to her.

A weak thrum hit against her fingers and she let them drop with relief at the fact that he was still alive.

Using the last of her strength, Olivia curved her hand around her belly protectively, her sobs when she felt the faint movements of her baby filter through to her palm turning to a coughing, gagging fit.

Flickering in and out of consciousness, Olivia could hear sirens in the distance; then a voice screaming out her name, a voice that was so dearly familiar.

"El…" she tried to croak out to let him know where she was trapped.

John and Munch, though battered and bruised from falling debris seemed alright, and they lifted Cragen into a recovery position, tying a tourniquet around one of his legs that she hadn't noticed before was bleeding heavily.

"Mmmgh..b-b."

"Shh, Liv baby don't try and talk," Elliot's soot covered face came into her vision as he moved her hair out of her face, wiping the blood out of her eyes the best he could. "The ambulance is almost here. Just keep your eyes on me honey, look at me."

"Baby," she forced the word through her trembling lips, "moved…"

It was killing him not to be able to gather her broken body into his arms, but he knew he couldn't move her in case of a spinal injury. The blast had torn her clothes, her shredded sweater just barely clinging to her shoulders.

She started to cough again, the tears she couldn't hold back clogging her throat and gagging her.

There was no water anywhere close by, and even if there was he knew she shouldn't be drinking or swallowing anything until her chest was cleared. Besides…there was no way in hell he was going to leave her side.

Even when the paramedics came, trying to lift Olivia gently onto the stretcher but still succeeded in her face whitening with pain beneath the tear streaked ashes.

The only time he'd left her side was the hour they had had her placed in a hyperbaric oxygen chamber, intubated to try and reduce swelling and remove any corrosive chemicals she may have asphyxiated; the machine she was hooked up to forcing her to breathe deeply to clear her lungs.. It looked like whoever planted the bomb had added chemicals into it.

They had her on oxygen now, and the high risk OB/GYN was being called in to examine Olivia herself.

She'd been so terrified and so close to going into shock when they'd arrived at the hospital that the medical staff had had to use a mild sedative to stop her hyperventilating in the chamber.

Elliot sat on a chair he had pulled as close as possible to the bed, his left hand squeezed in a death grip by Olivia as she fought through different emotions.

No one had heard anything about Cragen yet…only that he was still in surgery.

With his free hand, Elliot stroked the side of her face with one finger – trying to gently soothe her.

Finally the door to her room opened and Dr. Bronson appeared behind an attendant who wheeled in the portable ultrasound.

Olivia started to cry harder as the nurse lifted her hospital gown, baring her belly for the scan.

Cradling her head in his hands, Elliot forced her to look at him and breathe with him until her sobs slowed to intermittent hiccups and the machine that was sounding for respiratory distress quieted.

Dr. Bronson had started the scan, and was moving the Doppler gently over Olivia's belly. "There sweetheart, there's your baby," she assured the tearful younger woman with sympathy in her eyes.

"She's okay?" Elliot voiced the question so Olivia wouldn't have to use her vocal cords.

"Her heartbeat is a little fast and off tempo for my liking, but that's probably just because of all the stress and adrenaline that's reaching her right now through your system. It looks like this little girl was pretty well shielded."

Olivia tore her eyes away from her squirming 'banana' on the screen long enough to meet Elliot's gaze and whisper 'Cragen', knowing he was the one who had saved her and her baby's life, and possibly paying for it with his…

**Oh no! Cragen! Liv can't lose another member of her family! Review & let's see! xo**


	20. Chapter 20: Dying Breath

**I think I'm going to do A/N's at the bottom now so it sticks in people's minds instead of getting lost after reading the chapter. Much love! & Enjoy :)**

Having seen her baby daughter safe in her womb, and with no word on Cragen coming for awhile, Olivia succumbed to the heady lure of the sedatives swirling in her IV.

What was disturbing Elliot however was the fact that every time she fell into a deep sleep, which he could see on the monitors, she'd become restless and agitated, crying out in her sleep and calling out for him even if he was right there.

The third time this happened, Elliot couldn't stand watching her suffer, even in unconscious, any longer. Trying not to fully wake her, he smoothed his fingers across her forehead in a sleepy kind of hypnotic rhythm. His other hand he kept firmly entwined in hers.

After a few minutes, her moans grew less fevered and she stilled into a more peaceful sleep. As if his constant touch brought her some kind of peace, the steady rhythm subconsciously letting her know he was there, that she wasn't alone.

Keeping up the careful massage at her temples, Elliot bowed his head until it touched the mattress. Who was doing this to her? To them…

Olivia was still only 24 weeks pregnant, the explosion today could easily have sent her into pre-term labour, and the baby was far too little to be able to survive outside never mind the actual birth.

Tears…of anger, of relief, of frustration pricked at his eyes reddening them even further past what the smoke had done.

Olivia winced as she opened her eyes slowly and for two reasons. The first, because she'd been desperately hoping that all of this was a horrible vivid dream; and secondly because even faint movement caused her head to throb.

The only thing that gave her comfort was the feel of Elliot's hands on her.

"Hey," he said softly, his face slowly coming into clearer focus. "I hate to ask, but how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay," she smiled weakly back. "How's her heart rate?"

Olivia turned her head towards the beeping monitors despite the flash of pain searing through her skull.

"She's doing good," Elliot reassured her. "It's starting to begin a regular rhythm again."

"The Captain?" was her next question, and Elliot looked a little more grim.

"He's out of surgery, Munch and Fin are with him now. He took a piece of shrapnel in the leg that nicked his femoral artery, and they've had to stitch up quite a few wounds. He's been moved from critical condition to stable for the moment."

"He saved my life, El. He threw himself across me when the bomb exploded so he got the brunt of the explosion. He saved our baby."

"I know, Liv. I owe him everything."

"Can we go see him? Please, Elliot, I need to see him," she begged tearfully.

"Only for a few minutes," Dr. Bronson answered as she came in the door scrutinizing the chart in her hand.

"It looks like we'll be able to discharge you tomorrow if there aren't any other complications. Most expectant mothers I tell to reduce stress do so by resting more often, or avoiding stressful situations at work. Do you think you could maybe try to avoid life or death situations for another couple of months until we can take the baby safely?"

Despite her fear for Cragen and the bruises covering her from head to toe Olivia had to smile at the doctor's dry humor.

Olivia leaned heavily on Elliot with one arm as he helped her into a wheelchair. The other arm she wrapped around the bottom of her belly, supporting the weight of the baby.

"Can we go now?" she turned around to look at Elliot.

"For a few minutes," Dr. Bronson repeated firmly before leaving the room again. Elliot took her down to the next floor where Captain Cragen had just been fighting for his life.

Her already swollen throat closed up tightly and her eyes pricked as she saw Fin & Munch – bruised and cut and bloodied, clothes ripped, standing outside the doors to the Intensive Care Unit.

"I did this," she whispered to herself, low enough that Elliot couldn't hear her.

She let out an anguished cry as they entered the room & saw their fearless captain hooked up to what seemed like a million tubes and IV's and monitors. Looking so pale and so old as he lay there with his eyes closed.

Getting as close to the bed as she could, given the encumbrance of the chair, Olivia picked up one of his hands, squeezing it tightly between her own.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. And then, unable to hold back any longer she burst into tears, bowing her head so that it touched the mattress as her shoulders shook with silent sobbing, brown hair spilling around her face and fanning out around her head like a broken halo.

Then she felt a light squeezing around her hand and she stilled.

"I'm not dead yet," Cragen whispered roughly, trying to ease the tension in the room before his gaze swivelled back to Olivia. "The baby?"

Tears still running down her cheeks, Olivia sat up straight so he could see her belly which she clasped one hand to. "She's okay," her voice squeaked. "We're both alive because of you. I-I don't even know how to…"

Even hoarse and slurred slightly with drugs, Cragen's voice was confident but gentle as he spoke. He knew he'd almost died today, not that he hadn't come close before in the line of duty & in Vietnam – but today was also different because this time he hadn't been acting on orders or duty. He'd been acting out of sheer instinct and love for the woman who had become like a daughter to him.

He squeezed her hand again before beckoning her closer. "What would you do to keep your baby safe, Olivia?"

Olivia blinked, slightly confused at the change in conversation but answered truthfully nonetheless. "Anything," she said fervently.

"Then don't question me for doing the same thing for 'my' daughter," his voice became raspy at the end, even moreso than from what the smoke inhalation had done.

Any measure of composure Olivia had regained in the last couple of minutes crumbled again as he continued. "I'm sorry I never voiced it out loud before now, Olivia. But you're like a daughter to me & I want you to know that; whether or not I make it out of this bed or not. And I don't regret anything about my decision, so don't torture yourself over this. That's an order."

Never one to make herself vulnerable, Olivia cast away her inhibitions and hurt from coming from a broken family & pressed the hand she held in hers to her belly, eyes still shining with tears.

"I love you too, dad." She smiled through her tears as she felt her baby roll in her tummy and watched as a brilliant smile spread across the bruised face of the man in front of her.

Despite the thrill they both got from this, Olivia could see the captain was tiring. "Your granddaughter's saying thank you & telling you to get some rest."

"Talking already is she?" Cragen's eyes were already drifting closed as he smiled slightly and said proudly, "she's a genius."

"Then maybe I'm the baby's father after all," Munch joked dryly, making everyone smile in spite of what they they were still going through. They knew that past the cynical exterior John was a sensitive romantic at heart, not that they would ever dare confess that to his face.

Once they were all back out in the hallway so they didn't disturb Cragen, the mood grew somber once more.

Olivia hugged her arms around herself, hunched over slightly in the chair. She reached out for her hands towards Munch and Fin and they reluctantly gave her theirs so she could see their wounds.

Silent tears spilled from underneath already wet lashes as she traced over them lightly with her own fingers before letting them go.

"John…Fin, I'm -"

"Don't say it babygirl," Fin warned her in a gentle voice.

Grimacing slightly at the effort, Munch crouched down in front of her, recapturing her hands in his. "You didn't do this Liv, none of this is your fault. Some madman is trying to hurt you, and by hurting you he hurts us and there is no chance in hell that we'd ever let him get to you or your baby, to save our own skin or otherwise."

Olivia just shook her head wordlessly, too choked up to speak.

"Now you and banana here go and get some rest. I can't wait to hear which item of produce you're planning on giving birth to next week." John finished before she could protest what he was saying.

It wouldn't have mattered anyway, she was too tired to do anything more than stay upright in the chair as Elliot took her back to the maternity floor and helped her crawl awkwardly into bed.

Elliot settled Olivia back to bed exhausted, checking the dual heart rate monitors once more before stepping out to talk to Munch and Fin.

"Are you going to be okay for a few minutes while I go talk to the guys?"

Olivia bit her lip and nodded, not sure at all and hating herself for needing him the way she did.

Elliot could see the fear and doubt gleam in her eyes as she answered him. "Yeah…I'll be fine, of course."

"I'll be right outside the door Liv, no one is getting in here without a full search.

Olivia just nodded silently again before turning her head away.

Elliot sighed and shut the door quietly behind him and looked at the men who had become his best friends and brothers over the years for the most part.

"Who the hell is doing this to her?" he asked no one in particular, rubbing a tired hand across his soot smudged face.

"And why now? She's pregnant for God's sake. That's enough danger and stress for any first time mother, nonetheless one who's experiencing complications and multiple threats on her life."

Elliot's hands balled into fists at his sides and Fin put a hand on his shoulder. "Your hands are banged up enough dude, they don't need any more abuse – and neither do the walls."

"That and they might put you in the pysch ward if they see you punching walls around here." Munch remarked wryly before turning back to serious matters.

"TARU called just before you guys came down to see Cragen. The trace Olivia asked for lead back to a dump phone, prepaid. It looks like the perp just used it to make sure his target was in place before he set it off."

Elliot lips curled back in anger as he heard Olivia described as a target but he managed to keep his cool as a nurse came out of the elevator with a cart full of flower arrangements to deliver to all the new mothers on this floor.

So they were surprised when she stopped in front of them, glancing down at the room number on her piece of paper.

"Unusual flower arrangement for this floor, but they're lovely anyway!" the nurse whose nametag read Doris chirped brightly, handing them over to a nonplussed looking Fin.

Now it was Munch's turn to get angry. "Who sent these?" he demanded - his voice just under a yell and clearly betraying how furious he was as he gestured at the vase full of Calla lilies & baby's breath.

Now the cheerily plump nurse looked wary as she took in the sight of the three still battered and bloodied officers in front of her. "I –I don't know. All arrangements and gifts are taken at admissions or gotten from delivery trucks."

Munch took out a plastic glove from his pocket before picking up the glass vase.

"John, what the hell is your problem?" Fin asked his partner.

"The news of the explosion or injuries won't have reached the notice of the public yet. I'll bet it's our perp who sent these…Calla lilies are a symbol of death, they're used at funerals. And our guy's combined them with baby's breath…"

**Last chapter got an oddly small number of reviews as compared to normal, hope it doesn't happen again this week w/ March break! Let me know what you think guys - I still have a few surprises up my sleeve. **

**Things are about to get a lot more crazy, and dangerous. We also get to see Donnelly in the next chapter or so, who gives us another clue to our would-be-killer. I really and truly bet NONE of you will guess who it is - I've thrown enough wrenches in to avoid that. But we'll see! **

**So review! You really do make my day 3 xo**


	21. Chapter 21: No Turning Back

Cold sweat slicked a new trail down Elliot's neck as he took in the hidden meaning. John didn't have to explain any further. The perp was telling them he knew where they were, and that when he did come it would mean the death of Olivia and their child.

"Your beauty just blows me away every time I see you. I know you can't stop thinking of me, and I you. But don't worry Liv, I promise I'll come for you soon." John read aloud from the card, the words sounding innocent and sweet if you had no background information like they did.

"And he called her Liv," Elliot added, his brow wrinkled with concentration. I can't remember any perp ever calling Olivia anything other than Olivia or Detective Benson…"

"Well he obviously feels like he knows her & has some claim on her. From the letters & what he's sent us it looks like he doesn't know whether he wants to kill her or date her."

"This psycho, it's probably both."

"El?" Olivia's voice floated softly out of the room and he turned instantly to go to her.

Pausing slightly at the door he looked back, "keep TARU on that trace and give them the flowers. And to hell with IAB and 1PP…I'm doing what I need to do to keep her safe." And with that he disappeared into the room again.

He walked quickly over to the bed, searching her features for signs of pain. "What's wrong? I didn't hear the monitors go off."

"Nothing, nothing," Olivia was quick to soothe him. "I just heard yelling and raised voices…what could you guys be fighting about after all this?"

Exhausted and hazy from the drugs Olivia still didn't miss the flash that darkened his eyes slightly before he answered so she held a finger to his lips to stop him.

"And whatever answer comes out of your mouth better be the truth, Elliot. We…"she faltered slightly. "We WERE good partners because we were always honest with each other, we trusted each other…I'm scared to death and having a baby and I need so badly to know that you won't lie to me."

Elliot cursed softly before pressing his mouth urgently to hers. "You know that I would do anything to ever keep you from hurting."

"I know," she assured him – tracing over his tense jawline with her fingertips. "But you can't stick me in a bubble for the duration of my pregnancy or even after…"

"I can try, can't I?" a wry smile quirked up the corner of his lips before he sighed heavily again as he saw Olivia wasn't going to let this go.

"The press release about the explosion hasn't gone out yet, but you were sent an arrangement of Calla lilies & baby's breath accompanied by a note just a few minutes ago, it's our guy Olivia, telling us he knows where we are & that he can reach us."

Olivia nodded, she'd shed enough tears today. She wasn't going to waste any more on this freak. But nonetheless a shiver wracked through her at the thought he had even been in the same building as her, so close to her baby. But still she assured him she was fine.

An hour later it was only 9 o' clock but Elliot could see Olivia was fighting sleep. "Liv get some rest. The nurses said they wouldn't come back in tonight unless one of your monitors sounded or we called for them.

Elliot had pulled the tiny two seater couch over to the side of the bed so that he was between the door and Olivia. But still she couldn't stop the rising panic that filled her no matter how many times she told herself she was being stupid.

"Elliot?" a small, scared voice came from the bed and Elliot got up and walked around to the far side, climbing in behind her.

Olivia sighed with relief and pressed herself to him more tightly, craving the strong muscled warmth of his chest against her shivering body.

"Thank you," she whispered as his arms wrapped around her body so she felt safely cocooned. The top of his chin rested on top of her head and she fell asleep listening to the soothing rhythm of his heartbeat.

Despite her ever growing size, Olivia felt so fragile in his arms – so delicate and feminine and vulnerable it scared him.

The baby kicked underneath his hand and he rubbed the spot where he'd felt the kick in gentle circles until he felt the movements slow and then stop as his daughter presumably had fallen asleep.

"Good night, my angel," he murmured as he closed his eyes to a sleepless night. "Both of you."

Elliot jolted awake the next morning when he heard Olivia's screams. His hand instantly went to Olivia's gun in the drawer beside him, but he let go of the piece when he realized there was no one else in the room.

Olivia tried to breathe, but the sobs that kept creeping up her throat, choked her & stole her breath. The fear that had caused her to bolt awake wracked through her body in shivers & Elliot held her tightly, rocking her back and forth gently until the sobs slowed to hiccups.

He put his hand on her belly, covering her own hands and she flinched as if she had just noticed he was there.

"You're okay, Olivia. You're okay, the baby's okay," he repeated in a soothing mantra, knowing it was what she needed to hear.

She gulped and nodded before leaning back into his chest. He chuckled lightly as he tucked her head under his chin. "Good morning."

But Olivia didn't meet his eyes, instead she just traced the same pattern with her fingers on her belly over and over again. "I can't go back to the apartment," she said softly.

"The doctors said they were going to release you today all being well. And her heart rate didn't dip once last night, it stayed steady," he assured her, not understanding.

"No, El," now she looked at him. "I – I can't go back to our apartment," she drew in a shaky breath. "I just can't now that I know he's been there and just how far he's willing to go to get to me. I can't go back there. I don't wanna have my baby around those memories, I."

As she continued, she got even more worked up & upset as everything hit her again. The trauma of yesterday's accident, Cragen throwing himself over her to save her life, how the perp had snaked his way into every part of her life.

And even the thought of packing up their things & listing and showing and selling the apartment and finding a new place to live was exhausting to the point of being utterly futile…especially if she listened to the doctor's advice and started to take it easier.

"Okay," Elliot said simply, turning her face towards his with his thumb and forefinger. "If you don't want to stay, we won't."

"But Elliot where would we go? You sold your place months ago & we can't afford to stay in hotels until we find another place and I want to be settled in before the baby's born." She chewed her lip fretfully until Elliot stole her lips again in a kiss.

"I have an idea. But you've just got to trust me, okay?" He took her hands in his and pressed his lips to the engagement ring on her left hand and she sighed, closing her eyes.

"You know you're the only person who could ever ask that of me," she smiled & exhaled deeply, glancing at the monitors out of the side of her eyes as she rubbed away a passing ache.

Her silence was more telling than words, and he gently hauled her into his arms and fell back into a lying down position.

"Are you going to be a good girl and rest while I go find the doctor?"

She stuck her tongue out at him, unable to be annoyed by his ordering her around when he was so adorable doing it and also ruefully unable to conceal the yawn that escaped her as she burrowed back down under the blankets. "Yes, detective…I mean nurse Stabler."

Still leaning over her, his hand stole beneath the covers and Olivia could feel the hot weight of his palm press down over one swollen breast. Even exhausted and scared as she was, her body still responded instantly to his touch.

"Arghh, you're going to be the death of me Olivia Benson," he joked wryly as he willed his own arousal fade.

But as he left the room, Olivia couldn't help pray with everything she had that she wouldn't be the cause for anyone's death, a hope that felt more and more unlikely as her stalker went further and further in his attempts to get to her.

**Prepare for surprises & rising action people, it's getting close! Review to see what on earth Elliot has up his sleeve with Olivia now haunted by her apartment & it's memories. If they don't find something soon, Olivia just might be giving birth on the streets...but you know I'd never let that happen. HINT: Next chapter we find out why and where Elliot's been disappearing to with his 'secretive' job. **

**So review review review! They make me SO SO HAPPY!...& remind me to get my butt in gear writing the next chapter before you all eat me! :) **


	22. Chapter 22: Hideaway in Heaven

Three hours later she was sitting in a wheelchair waiting for Elliot to bring the car around. She'd been cautiously pronounced fit and had said her goodbyes to Cragen before being discharged earlier that morning.

"_They're pulling in some guys from Jersey," Cragen had explained following a hospital visit from 1PP. "Nick and Rollins are there now and Munch and Fin will be back next week. Munch'll be active captain while I'm out but don't anyone think that means I won't be on your ass 24/7." He spoke wryly to Munch and Fin who were being released that day as well._

"_That means you too Liv," Cragen spoke again in a softer tone and he smiled. "I want daily updates on my granddaughter until I'm out of this joint in a few weeks."_

It had already been discussed and decided within the group that Olivia wouldn't be returning to work to avoid more attempts on her life – although the official story being released to the press was that she was taking an early maternity leave after the stress of the 'mystery' explosion.

It was June already and she was due to give birth late September; and still on her to-do list was find a place to live in their budget, get the nursery ready, find the man who wanted her dead, put his ass in prison for the next 25 to life, all before figuring out how she was ever going to be able to push out the basketball underneath her shirt.

The 'basketball' kicked under her hand as if in protest of the nickname and Olivia smiled to herself as she rubbed the spot. "It's okay sweet baby, all you need to worry about is growing bigger and staying put in mommy's belly until it's safe for you to come out. Then you're welcome to do so as quickly as you want".

Elliot stopped the van in front of the emergency entrance where Olivia was and came around the side of the car to help her in.

He bit his lip to keep from laughing as he watched her struggle for a moment, trying to push herself up from the seat, manoeuvring around the bulge of her belly before reaching down and giving her a hand.

He pulled her harder than she expected and Olivia's eyes widened in surprise before he caught her softly against him, so her feet were barely skimming the cement.

"You're adorable, you know that?" he kissed her deeply and the pout she'd twisted her lips into when he'd laughed at her turned into a smile.

He set her down after kissing her one more time and shook his head, "it looks like you have a basketball underneath your shirt."

Once she was in the passenger seat, he went back around to the driver's side. Olivia sighed, secretly amused by just how closely their minds thought. She would have thought he was making fun of her with the basketball comment if he hadn't looked so happy and proud as he'd caressed the sides of her belly.

As Elliot got back in the car, the baby rolled again and Olivia's gaze turned inwards as she palmed the hard, rounded swell. "I think she's lying sideways right now…she keeps pushing on the side of my belly. Tomorrow she'll probably be up in one side and I'll be lopsided again."

She laughed, remembering how freaked out she'd been the first time she had woken up and the baby had moved position causing her stomach to look oddly lopsided and lumpy.

Once they were on the highway, Olivia turned to Elliot. "Now will you tell me where we're going?"

Elliot just shook his head and smiled, "Nope, it's a surprise."

"You know it's not good to stress out pregnant women you know." She tried another tactic, "it might upset the baby and start contractions."

Elliot looked at her skeptically out of one eye as he turned onto the highway, "Mmhmm, remember I've been with you in the interrogations rooms Liv, it's not gonna work."

He smiled wickedly and Olivia flopped back in her seat, sulking a little. "I don't like surprises."

"Well why don't you look in the compartment in front of you then?"

"Oohh, yes! Swedish fish…" Olivia ripped open her newest craving and popped 5 into her mouth.

She chewed in bliss for a moment. "You did this to shut me up, didn't you?" She mumbled accusingly through a mouthful of red, gummy fish.

Elliot only laughed and reached over for one, but Olivia held the bag out of reach and shook her head smugly.

"Nuh-uh, our daughter doesn't want to share," she smiled contentedly as she popped another into her mouth, teasing him.

"Shouldn't we start teaching her?" he made a grab for the bag again but missed as he kept his eyes on the road.

"We'll teach her when she's older," Olivia said breezily, waving a gummy fish haphazardly in the air as she made her point.

Elliot couldn't help but laugh at Olivia's reasoning as they pulled into a gated community, one turn off before the Beaches.

After he parked and Olivia was distracted, trying to unbuckle her seatbelt, he leaned over the middle console and stole a kiss, and a gummy fish right out of her mouth.

"You play dirty," Olivia accused him as he helped her down again.

"Isn't that the way you like it?" he teased back before drawing her attention to the house they were in front of.

The driveway started at the street and continued for 40 feet into the property before ending in a circular turn around to the left of the house, cutting off the main steps of the house from the substantial front yard, blocked off from the street by a row of hedges.

Built in a Victorian style and painted in a pale yellow, the house had a freshly painted wooden porch with a chair swing & to the far right boasted an octagonal turret.

Despite the trees lining either side of the property, it was obvious if you looked to the right that it had a huge backyard as well.

Olivia nearly dropped the almost empty bag of Swedish fish as she took in the house that looked as though someone had snatched it right out of her fantasies.

"El, how can we afford to rent this place while we look for another house? I know we both have money put away but this…" she gestured with one hand to the surrounding property.

"But what do you think of it?" Elliot asked her, being serious now as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

She looked at the house and sighed. "It's…El it's the most beautiful place I've ever seen. That's why we can't stay here. No other house we could look at would ever be this perfect," she said, biting her lip in longing and regret before tearing her gaze away again.

Her back to his chest, he pressed his lips to the sensitive spot just behind her ear and ran his palms over her belly.

"How do you feel about a 50 year lease?" he asked casually, unable to stop a grin from spreading across his face.

With more agility than he thought possible with her off balance body, Olivia whirled around to face him.

Her heart beat against her chest as she tried with no success not to get her hopes up and let herself believe this was real.

"The contract work I told you I've been doing…well, I have an old pal from the marines who went into architecture and construction after he retired from active duty a few years ago." He paused, nervous now at her reaction.

"The house is ours, baby. Built, bought and paid for – but only if you want it."

A small choking sound came from Olivia's open mouth and she dragged in a breath before bursting into tears. Elliot gathered her into his arms once more, "Shh, Liv, Olivia, it's okay if you want to find another place."

Face still buried in his shoulder, Olivia shook her head before pushing herself off of him slightly. "I want it. El, I want it so badly. I want to bring our baby home here and I want to grow old and gray haired with you on that porch." She closed her eyes for a moment as Elliot tenderly pushed her hair back from her face. "No one's ever done anything like this for me, El," she whispered softly, her voice still thick with tears.

"You deserve so much more, Olivia. But I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to make you as happy as you've made me."

"You did that the moment you asked me to marry you," she took his face in her hands and kissed him again.

Kissing her back, he pulled away after a moment, "so you mean I shouldn't have done this? Okay, well I can always call Tom and he can put it on the market," he teased and Olivia smacked him on the shoulder.

"D'you want to see inside?"

Olivia's smile stretched even wider and she nodded, taking his hand as he led her inside.

**Sorry for the delay guys! It's getting close to final exams & so all my essays and assignments are due this coming week. Hopefully, since my exams are (unfortunately) spaced out throughout April I'll have more time to focus on writing. Then in May, I'm all yours!**

**Until then. Review! It makes me so happy :) In fact I'm updating today because of that. We also had to put my bunny down today, but enough sad news. Let's focus on EO shall we? This is just kind of a structure/filler chapter that will set the scene for our climax. Next chapter we get some smut and then the chapter after that we find out who our perp is. Hahaha, no one has guessed right yet!**

**So review! xo Hopefully the reviews will also be fixed, I know I wasn't receiving email updates & you guys weren't either.**


	23. Chapter 23: Fuzzy Feelings

**Aaaah, okay I know, I know, really – I suck. And for the delay you'd think I'd at least be acing my exams right? Ugh. Okay so here's the next chapter (obviously). At least it's long? :)**

A brilliant smile spread across Olivia's face as he took her hand and led her inside. It was perfect…unfinished hardwood floors treated and buffed so they would never splinter. Open concept but still cozy with a state of the art kitchen and family room that led out onto the back porch where an enclosed granite and limestone fire pit sat surrounded by patio chairs. A chaise lounge sat in the corner underneath a canopy to provide cooling shade.

And in the far back of the garden, a door with a set of stone steps that would lead down a gently inclined path to their own small square of beachfront.

In the corner of the garden there was even a little patch of freshly dug up earth that according to the little tags sticking out of the ground, would be a vegetable garden, which she'd mentioned to him on a passing whim a couple years ago.

A month later they were all but settled in to the new place completely. The day Olivia had been discharged from the hospital, Elliot had sent his kids over to Olivia's apartment with a police escort to box everything up and bring it over to the new house since Olivia was obviously in no shape to do any sort of lifting, and he'd be damned if he was going to leave her side.

As it was, Olivia was content simply to enjoy her new surroundings. No one would ever have thought it possible of Olivia Benson, but when Elliot had asked her if she was upset not being able to work she had just shaken her head and smiled from where she lay on the couch, her feet propped up on a pillow and surrounded by pregnancy books and wedding magazines.

"All I want or plan to do is sit here and get fat and watch our baby grow," she'd responded – sounding nothing like the hard ass detective Elliot knew she still was…until she opened her mouth again after a pause. "And kill the son of a bitch who's been trying to hurt my family."

Elliot snorted, "Okay, so plan a wedding, decorate the nursery and kill a psychopath…just the normal expectant mother activities?" he'd teased her before bending over her for a kiss.

His mind coming back to the present, Elliot walked through the house with the groceries he'd just bought. Setting the bags down on the counter, he saw Olivia through the window on the back patio – a yoga mat under her feet as she moved fluidly through the positions, arching backwards until she caught sight of her fiancé who was grinning as he leaned against the sliding door.

"What is this? Arouse your husband in 10 seconds or less?"

Olivia grinned wickedly back at him before accepting his hand to get up from the deck and pressing herself against him.

"That long? Guess I better practice," she teased huskily as her hands deftly undid his belt buckle.

Elliot's jaw hardened, "Olivia…" he said warningly, fighting to keep his emotions under control as she pressed her lips to his collarbone, working her way up to his lips.

"Tell me you don't want this,"

"Of course I want this, Liv. What I don't want is to hurt you."

"But I'm hurting right now, El," her voice was breathless, seductive as she moved his hands down from her shoulders to press against her breasts. "Make it all better Elliot, make love to me..."

Any intentions of self control he had fled at the breathy little moan that had him hard and hurting just as bad as she was. Moving his hands to her thickened waist they stole beneath the flowy tunic top she wore until he felt the firm silken warmth of her skin as he slid the fabric over her head, smiling at her frustrated moan as their lips had to part for a moment.

His hand stole between her thighs as he held her against him and cupped the damp fabric of her spandex yoga pants, his fingers probing her throbbing core.

Laying her down on the bed, they quickly rid each other of their clothes. Elliot saw a flash of uncertainty cross Olivia's pretty features & he kissed the worry lines away. "You're beautiful, Olivia. All luscious and ripe with our baby…" he laced his fingers through hers and pulled them away from her breasts so he could feast on them with his mouth, tracing the delicate, hardened peak with his tongue and lips.

Only with him could Olivia ever be so free and open and uninhibited. Whereas before she'd felt large and ungainly, Elliot made her feel sexy and powerful – like some ancient goddess of fertility.

Elliot primed her again with his fingers and she let her legs fall open on either side, arching her back and urging him further with wanton noises of encouragement.

It hadn't just been a line, Elliot thought. Truly she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Her hair was tousled, tumbling over her shoulders in chestnut waves that teased over generous, firm breasts. Liquid brown eyes that never failed to pierce through to his soul in sadness and in laughter. "You've made me the happiest man in the world, Liv. And I don't care how cheesy that sounds." His voice was rough and husky as he flipped her so that she had the top position.

The belly she had once strained to see in the mirror now looked full to bursting even at only 6 and a half months along, which was what had made finding new positions for making love necessary, this way she could control how deeply to take him in because the pressure on her belly was too much otherwise.

Her nails dug into his shoulders as she lowered herself onto him, her hips already riding him before they were fully joined.

Afterwards, Olivia tumbled off him to the side – wrapping one leg over his so that she was curled into his side; her head on his shoulder.

"I think the second trimester 'feel good' period has finally kicked in. Of course in less than a week you'll be in your third," Elliot teased her lightly as his knuckles gently brushed back the damp hair from her forehead.

Olivia just kissed the stubble darkened expanse under his jaw before settling back into the crook of his elbow

And, as Elliot predicted, by 28 weeks Olivia was officially in the last trimester & feeling every ounce of the 35 lbs. she'd gained so far.

Cragen was finally being released from the hospital today – he'd had to have more surgery on his leg and was walking with a cane now, but he assured everyone it was only temporary. Munch and Fin were bringing him over to the house tonight for dinner.

Olivia had started to try and make something for dinner, but Elliot had taken the whisk right out of her hand and blocked the stove.

"We already said we were going to order in tonight, Liv you don't need to do this to yourself." Olivia shot him a glare as she leaned back against the island in the kitchen, folding her arms over her bump.

"You're bossy, you know that?" she griped at him as she rubbed the side of her stomach where the baby's feet were pushing out.

"See, I can't even fight with you anymore, you're too damn agreeable," she continued as Elliot came over to where she stood and kissed her, but she couldn't stop a smile from turning up the corner of her mouth ruefully.

Elliot pushed up her shirt with one hand, keeping her trapped against the counter. "I love seeing our daughter inside you."

"Mmm, and I love having our baby inside me but I don't know if I'm going to last another ten weeks or more at this rate," she covered his hands with her own.

"That's why the doctor's going to put you on bedrest in a few weeks."

"Elliot Stabler, don't you dare use my pregnancy addled brain to try and fool me, she said that it was a possibility if I keep getting micro-tears in the muscle. And right now I'm only on restricted activity – you don't see me running any marathons do you?"

Elliot stood back slightly and studied her face, "that's because you get tired every time you even go out grocery shopping with me or on walks that last more than 20 minutes."

"If you weren't a better substitute for a pregnancy body pillow you'd be sleeping on the couch tonight," Olivia grumbled unconvincingly. All the same, she let her head fall forward onto his chest, clutching the fabric of his t-shirt in her fingers as she buried her face in his t-shirt.

She loved that she could basically lean on him with all her weight and he would still hold her as if she weighed nothing.

The buzzer sounded that let them know there was a car at the front gate & Elliot glanced at the camera next to the box before he pressed the code in that would unlock the gate. That was another thing Elliot had made sure of when he built the house – that it had an admittedly over the top, FBI grade standard security system.

And yes, it had cost upwards of 30 000 dollars – but most people didn't know that he had been given an enormous settlement by 1PP on the condition that he take early retirement from the force. There had been a formal inquisition of course, and in the end as always, it was declared that he had done nothing wrong. But the press the Special Victims Unit would have gotten would have potentially scared away rape victims from reporting. That was why he'd taken 1PP's offer, not because of how it would reflect on them.

"Nice digs, El," Munch commented when he opened the door.

"Nice to see you too, John," Elliot chuckled as Munch came in through the door. "Look at the crown moulding!" his voice floated down the hallway as he spoke to no one in particular.

"Wow, forget the crown moulding, look at you!" he exclaimed as Olivia appeared from the living room.

"I'm going to assume you meant that as a compliment," Olivia teased him wryly as she hugged him. Elliot had already sent Fin through to the kitchen to grab a beer and he wrapped Olivia in a hug as well.

Leaning heavily on his cane, Captain Cragen watched the scene in front of him fondly before Olivia flew into his arms. "Hi dad," her words were casual but her eyes were bright and her voice cracked as she held him tightly, or as tightly as the baby would allow.

"Hey, enough tears," he threatened gruffly; although if truth be told his eyes were bright with tears as well.

They walked each other over to the couch while Elliot paid for the Chinese that had arrived just after everyone else.

By 8 o'clock everyone had finished eating and Olivia sat with her head resting on Cragen's shoulder and her legs curled underneath her. The older man smiled as he felt a soft thump against his hand that was resting on Olivia's belly.

"Isn't it her bedtime yet?" he chuckled.

"Mmm," Olivia mused, "Much like her daddy this little girl does not like to do as she's told." Her voice was wry but her eyes were filled with warmth as they met Elliot's across the room.

Fin laughed as he saw Olivia not quite manage to smother a yawn. "Barely even 8 and the night is over," he teased gently. "Bit of a change from when we used to close down the bars. Are we getting old or something?"

Munch snorted, "Speak for yourself!"

Olivia's eyes snapped open and she shot Fin a look. "Watch who you're calling old and tired."

Fin shot her a look right back. "Never babygirl."

Munch helped Cragen get up from the couch and Olivia leaned into Elliot's side as they waved goodbye from the front door. Something burned slightly in Olivia's chest as she stood by the front door, Elliot's arm around her waist. It wasn't a feeling she'd had before with the pregnancy, or any other time she could recall; and it didn't hurt-not exactly anyway. But as Elliot carried her to bed that night she realized with bittersweet joy that it had felt like family.

**And despite the unfortunate delay, your reviews really do mean the world to me. Let's see if we can motivate me to write the next chapter before my birthday! (May 3 I'll be 19 - that's legal in Canada!)**

******THE NEXT CHAPTER WE (AND OLIVIA) MEET OUR BAD GUY. PROMISE! THIS WAS JUST A LITTLE EXPOSITION/TIME FILLER WHILE I WAFFLED ON HOW TO END THE STORY AND PIECE IT TOGETHER.**

**Let the actiooooon begin!**


	24. Chapter 24: Culprit

**It's short! But I did promise an update by the end of the year. I don't know when I'll update next, but I so appreciate the continued support! Hope my muse returns in 2013. God bless and stay safe tonight everyone!**

"I don't know how you can say to me that you'd rather be here than anywhere else," a tired, cranky Olivia said from the couch a couple weeks later as Elliot propped her feet up on his lap and pressed his thumbs into the swollen arches.

"I'm a middle aged woman who's never been less mobile in her life, who's gained close to 40 pounds, at high risk for any number of disorders or diseases and who still has 8 weeks, that is 2 entire months, to go before she gives birth and I'm so swollen and achy and tired all the time. I can't ever imagine going back to normal…"

She paused for a moment, "and I'm whining and feeling sorry for myself and I don't mean any of it, I want this baby so badly and I love you so much and I still don't know why you're here but I'm so glad you are," her words got faster and higher ended with a frustrated wail as she fought back the ever-present tears.

Elliot just laughed softly before taking both her hands and pulling her into a sitting position so she could stand. She sighed and let her head rest on his chest.

"Come on," he took her hand and led her to the back door. "Maybe a walk before dinner will loosen up your joints a little…then we'll stick you in a warm bath okay?"

"Stop being so wonderful," she sniffed, laughing tearily. "One day your fiancée will come back, toned and smooth and bright eyed."

Holding hands they made their way down to the beach and walked along the surf. At 5 o'clock it had gotten slightly cooler, but was still glaringly hot – even for the end of July, beginning of August.

Not caring about the heat, Olivia kept her hand clasped firmly in Elliot's, with her other resting on her belly as they walked slowly and contentedly down the beach past their property.

The fact that they were beyond their property meant that the sight of a man jogging down the beach towards them didn't seem out of the ordinary; wearing sunglasses and one of those lightweight mesh tanks with a hood, the man ran past them.

The crash of the waves against the shore along with the faint calls of the seagulls and distant traffic also meant that neither of them heard the soft crunch of sand underfoot from a third set of feet.

Elliot turned around just in time to see the jogger's fist coming at him clutching a large rock. As Elliot fell, bleeding and unconscious, to the ground Dale Stuckey threw the rock, and the evidence it carried into the ocean.

**Did anyone see that coming? Didja? Didja?!**


End file.
